Our decision to delay having children was motivated by pure personal needs.
We both loved what we were doing: My wife was busy completing her Masters’ degree and establishing a practice, and I was part of a small, pioneering group of people who founded the “iAfrica.com” portal.
Our respective careers demanded large chunks of time and attention. And so, our son was born ten years after we got married and our daughter three years later.
By the time our kids joined us, we established our professional credentials. We also travelled quite a bit. Most importantly – my wife and I had ten years of established partnership, close friendship and a strong bond.
We were ready to welcome our children. In fact, we couldn’t wait to meet them!
“I think in your 40s, you land a little bit, physically and mentally,” British actor Mark Strong (of Prime Suspect fame) said, adding that “you arrive at a place where you feel you’ve learned some stuff”.
I admit that I am grateful our children came when I was in my 40s, because nothing was ready or settled in me ten or fifteen years earlier. Our kids met an older couple, with less to prove and more to preserve. We went through our trials and tribulations, challenges and crises. These added to our sense of safety and trust in each other. We were “way cooler”!
But being an older father has also its tricky moments, such as being called “granddad” at PTA meetings, or finding it easier to discuss literature and politics than throw a cricket ball.
My best suggestion to “younger” couples would be to figure out how you see your life before – and after – your kids arrive. If there are things you want to do, places you want to see before settling down to parent your offspring, maybe you should do them first.
You’ll battle to bungee jump, scuba dive, take a roller coaster ride, hitchhike in India or go weak at the knees at festivals in Glastonbury, Edinburgh or Grahamstown with a three year old or a newborn in tow.
And if what’s being written in reputable publications is anything to go by, there really is no need to be concerned about the well-being of your children if you choose to start a family when you’re older.
According to an article published in The Telegraph, children born to “older” parents are less likely to accidentally injure themselves. Language development at the ages of three and four is also better, and even parent-and-child-conflict is found to be less prevalent than in the instances of children born to “younger” parents.
One in seven American babies are delivered by women aged 35 or older. “Forty (or close) is the New 20 for having babies”, argues social psychologist and author Susan Newman, Ph.D in Psychology Today.
Read more about this topic here:
1. Common myths about having a child later in life: http://www.cbsnews.com/media/common-myths-about-having-a-child-later-in-life/
2. Children of older mothers are healthier and more mentally stable: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/11006335/Children-of-older-mothers-healthier-and-more-mentally-stable.html
3. Forty (or Close) is the New 20 for Having Babies: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/singletons/200810/forty-or-close-is-the-new-20-having-babies
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