When it comes to family dinnertime, it’s time to go back to the old-school style of parenting, argues fed-up mum Megan Kaplan, on upwave.com
My family started having more fun sitting down together after our kids passed the two-year mark and a higher percentage of food and beverages made it into their mouths than onto the floor. Dinner was suddenly doable.
“Doable” means that scrambled eggs and toast make for a totally respectable dinner on a harried weeknight, because 15 minutes of checking in with my family counts more than what dish I’m serving.
“Doable” means my kids can join in and like to participate — regardless of whether they’re setting out silverware or stirring the pot. “Doable” means a good conversation can be sparked by one simple question: “What was something funny that happened today?”
The experts say that having dinner together is the most valuable ritual a family can share, no matter how you swing it. So, what’s stopping you?
But… if everyone gets fed, why does it matter if we’re all together?
Because it might be the only time when you’re all able to be together. Plus, the dinner table can be much more than a feeding station.
“It’s an opportunity to stay connected and to talk about things that matter as a family,” says Dr. Anne Fishel, a professor of psychology at Harvard Medical School and a consultant to the Family Dinner Project, an organisation dedicated to more family dinners.
Research shows that the family dinner has lots of benefits for kids, from improving vocabulary to preventing behaviours like substance abuse and eating disorders.
“It’s a chance for parents to check in, monitor their kids and stay on top of things,” says Fishel. “Kids who feel connected are much less likely to engage in risky behaviors.”
But… I’ve got really picky eaters who barely eat their dinner anyway.
This is an even better reason to have a family dinner.
“Children need to be given opportunities to try new things and watch others enjoy food,” says Kristin Klarkowksi, co-founder of the Dinner Doulas, a coaching service that helps parents master techniques to get healthful meals on the table. “Even if they don’t try a food right away, they are watching and learning from you.”
Also, kids have to be given the same food up to 10 times before they realize they might actually like it, so when a dish fails, try, try again.
But… my kids won’t even sit still for two seconds.
A long leisurely dinner is not the goal for most families — in fact, the average length of time is about 22 minutes.
“Harness that energy and ask your child to get up and refill the water glasses,” says Fishel. “Or find a game that keeps him entertained a while longer, like ‘I Spy’ or ‘Guess the ingredients in this dish.’”
Got really squirmy kids? Give them each a spill rag, suggests Klarkowski, so they can clean up after themselves and you’re not having to get up a dozen times to deal with the mess.
But… everyone is so busy — it’s hard to find the time.
Yes, but you don’t need an entire hour — just that average 22 minutes will do.
If even that is impossible with late work or activity schedules, switch gears and focus on a homework break, bring a family picnic to the soccer field or try having regular breakfasts instead.
But… what’s wrong with watching a show together while we eat?
It’s bad for you. Studies show that people tend to overeat when they’re watching television, and that kids eat fewer vegetables and fruits.
Also, if the television is on, you won’t be finding out how your kids’ day went. You won’t be telling stories, or creating a warm atmosphere around a meal. You’re focused on something other than each other, which defeats the purpose.
But… what’s wrong with having our phones on us?
It’s a distraction. The point of family dinner is to connect with the most important real-live human beings in your life, and the only way to do that is to shut off the technology.
So make it a family rule to turn off the phones for an hour. Lock them in a drawer if you have to. Everyone will live.
But… what will we talk about?
Take a cue from the Obamas, who play the game Roses and Thorns at their family dinner. Go around and ask each person to share one good thing from their day — a “rose” — and one tough thing from their day — a “thorn.”
But… all the prep, cooking and cleanup falls on me.
Simplify dinner. Turn on the radio and pour a glass of wine, so making dinner feels like a “break” while your partner keeps the kids entertained.
Prepare ahead by making a big batch of soup over the weekend, or pull out the Crockpot and let dinner simmer hands-free. Switch off making dinner with your partner, and whoever doesn’t cook, cleans.
And teach your kids early on to help out: they’ll be the ones making you dinner someday.
(Originally published at http://upwave.com/family/family-eat-dinner-together)
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