Hetta Bekker, aspiring actress, failed audition after audition in South Africa, so she trekked to faraway New Zealand for a fresh start. The joke about New Zealand is that it has more sheep than people, but as Hetta soon discovered, it isn’t a joke.
Here, in a little farming town on the South Island, she finally found her calling in a new field of work. Sheep-shearing. Tough, physical labour, with the reward of a couple of beers at the end of the day. It was “character-building” work too, she recalls, and back home it led indirectly to the big break she’d been hoping for.
She was invited to tell her story on radio, and that led to an audition that she passed with flying colours, even if she later had to change her name for her big break. “Hetta” sounded too stodgy, too conservative, so she repurposed her middle name, Amor, to become Amore Bekker, today one of the most popular radio presenters in the country, with an award-winning multimedia career that includes magazine columns and her zesty recipe book, Tjailaresepte.
Now, for a change, Amore will be moving her career in a whole new direction as the host of VeranderDinge, the lively magazine show brought to you by BrightRock on kykNET. She takes over the reins from Ruda Landman, adding an extra-special note of transition to this interview, in which Amore chats about her long and adventure-filled path from that sheep-farm in New Zealand, and shares what she has learned about life and change.
Transcription:
R: Hello, and a very warm welcome, once again to the Change Exchange, where we talk about the Change Moments of life and our decisions, how we make them, who we share them with. My guest today, Amore Bekker, a household name on RSG, where I also spent some time in my life, so it feels like a good connection.
A: Thank you.
R: And Amore is taking over from me on VeranderDinge, on KykNET at the moment, so our paths have crossed. You’re so welcome!
A: Thank you, great to be here.
R: You studied drama, did you want to act?
A: Yes, when I grew up, I was an extrovert. I’m still one – but in those days, what do you do if you’re an extrovert, you know? You think I should just become an actress, and that’s why I thought ja, let me study drama.
R: But then, when you finished, you didn’t?
A: I went for many auditions, Ruda. But I never succeeded in one. So I was unemployed, and I thought ja, let me just do what I can find to do. And it wasn’t an easy time in my life …
R: I was just thinking it must have been hard, because one has to earn a living? So what did you do?
A: So I did waitressing. I had the opportunity to travel to New Zealand, and …
R: You sheared sheep?
A: And there I sheared sheep. And it was for three months in my life, it was terrible, but if I look back now, it was a great character-building phase in my life.
R: How did you learn to do it?
A: Oh, I ended up in this little town on the South Island called Otautau and I was there with a boyfriend of mine, who was a doctor, and I thought I can’t sit at home all the time, and so I … There was no restaurant in town, so I heard that there are people who does (sic) shearing, sheep shearing. And I thought, well let me, let me go. Laat ek gaan inklop. Let me see what I can do. So I started as a roustabout. That means you take the first week, because you’ve got to start … You can’t start at the top as a shearer, a sheep shearer. You start at the bottom.
R: You’ll cut off their ears!
A: Ja! So in my first week I had to take sheep dung – ek moes die drolle van die wol afhaal – dit was my eerste week, my first week. Drol van die wol. Then, after that, I was promoted to sort out the good wool, and then two weeks after that I was put on sheep shearing. And it wasn’t with the scissors, like many shearers do in South Africa. It was with the electrical … What do you call it? Electrical scissors.
R: Ja.
A: But Ruda, it was a very hard time for me, because I was not used to physical labour, and for the first month and a half I was on Voltaren injections, because …
R: Your back?
A: Your back and everything. So I gained 10 kilograms, not of the physical work, but of the beer after the job. Every day we finish our job with beer … It was … I looked so forward to that beer, because it was the only thing that I could look forward to. It was just such a boring job, but it was good character building.
R: And then you came back to South Africa, and how did you get into radio?
A: Oh man … So I came back to South Africa still thinking I want to be an actress. Still going for auditions. Didn’t get a job, so my parents in the meantime moved to Port Elizabeth, and I had to go stay with my parents. And then I became a waitress at the Spur, like all wannabe actresses become a waitress. And I actually started to enjoy it a lot. And then a neighbour of my parents said well, the story of sheep shearing … The radio must hear about that! And then he organised that I go to RSG and tell them my story, and there Gerda Coetzee said, who was then at RSG, said please, you must go for an audition. And then I got an audition at Radio Algoa, and that’s how it all happened.
R: But they made you change your name?
A: Oh my goodness. Yes. So at Radio Algoa, you see, I was Hetta Bekker until the age of 25. And at Radio Algoa I was still Hetta Bekker, but then I wanted to go back to Cape Town, and so I did an audition at Radio Good Hope, and then they said yes, because this job at Radio Algoa, it was just twice a week, the graveyard shift. And so I auditioned for a proper job at Radio Good Hope and they said okay, we would love to have you, but there’s just one problem, and they said oh my goodness, with a name like Hetta Bekker you can never be on radio. It sounds too fat and conservative. So they said please man, don’t you have another name? And then, my second name is Amor. And then we just put the “e” at the end so that it rolls better. So from then on I became Amore Bekker.
R: How does that play in one’s head? Because your whole identity is tied up in your name?
A: Yes, you become your name, your name becomes you. It was very difficult in the beginning to get … To express myself with a different rhythm, because Amore has a different rhythm than Hetta. But if I look back now, the name Hetta is just … I was a real tomboy, and the name Amore is more feminine. So perhaps that sort of in a way forced me to embrace my femininity a bit more, I think. But ja, it was difficult in the beginning.
R: It’s fascinating. And then you decided to come to Johannesburg without having a job yet, am I right?
A: Yes. Whoa! But before that I was working at KFM, and I just … I got tired and bored with commercial radio, because with commercial radio you can only announce the song and announce the time. You can’t really go in-depth, so I went for many auditions. I stopped working at KFM, but the day I stopped working at KFM … I’m an Aquarian, so I believe life will happen the way it should. So I resigned at KFM and then the very day I got a fax from the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association in America. Yes! And they said come, we heard about you and we want to bring a play to Cape Town, and will you please organise the play for us? Ja, and we’re going to pay you in dollars. Don’t worry, you don’t have to save a soul – we’re going to pay you in dollars. Net so! So I said thank you very much, who am I to say no. So they flew me to Minnesota, and there I met the most wonderful people, and I worked for them for six months in Cape Town …
R: Being paid in dollars!
A: Being paid in dollars!
R: What’s not to like?
A: Verstaan jy! Anyways, so after that I read news on eTV in the mornings, I’d wake up at 03:00 – it was terrible. I cannot tell you. And then after that, my brother sold his house in Pretoria, and they … No. He didn’t sell his house. He got a job in Nigeria and he said please come and look at my house.
R: Come and house sit.
A: Ja! By then I exhausted all the resources in Cape Town. Jobs, men, all opportunities! You know, Cape Town is so small!
R: And a fist full of dollars.
A: Yes! And then I came to Jozi. Ag no, to Pretoria first. And then I couldn’t get back into the broadcasting market, but I struggled. And then I baked rusks.
R: What does that teach you? If you have to speak to a young person now, who is looking for a job. Fail. Audition after audition. And now you’re in Pretoria. You’ve worked in radio, but you can’t find another opening. What does one do? How does one approach that? How do you overcome that?
A: Certain people give it is “waiting”. But the moment you give it a name like “waiting”, then your life becomes one long drag.
R: That sounds totally passive.
A: Ja. And then you judge the waiting as well. And then it’s not good. I see it as you do whatever you find in the meantime to stay part of the rhythm of the universe. So …
R: Start somewhere.
A: Ja, just start somewhere. And if you look back, those are the things that make your life interesting. Those are the things! I mean we haven’t really spoken about my broadcasting career, we’re only talking about the interesting things that I’ve done outside of broadcasting. So you just do whatever you find. I was baking rusks for a bakery in Pretoria, and I was also a waitress in the evenings there at a lovely restaurant called Lucit Candle Garden and then I had a friend who got a permanent job, she was also unemployed, as a secretary at a medical aid. And she asked her boss if she could share her job with me. So she worked for two and a half days per week as a medical secretary, and I the other two days. We loved it! So Sunday evenings we would phone each other and say which two and a half days would you come and work? You know? Lekker!
R: And then, how did you get back into radio?
A: So I …
R: Were you constantly looking, still?
A: I was constantly looking. I wanted to work at RSG because content matters there. You can really come with new suggestions and it doesn’t have to be like a commercial radio station with just a lot of music. And I went there for auditions again, and I didn’t get a job. One day, the boyfriend I was living with at that time, he wanted a house. And I said don’t worry, I’ll go look for a house for you. And the estate agent – I went with her – and I told her about my dream to work at RSG. And she said you know, there’s a woman now at RSG, the boss, why don’t you go there for an audition. I said I’ve been there for so many times for an audition. And she said but have you tried with the woman boss? And I said no. With the female boss. She said but you must try. And I said okay, and I went home, and that evening I had a wonderful dream. In my dream, one of the presenters of RSG came to me in my dream, and he said Amore, you better come quickly, because there’s many people who want a job here. You better come now. And then the next morning I phoned the program manager, who is Terence April, I didn’t even speak to the boss, and I said hello Terence, it’s Amore here, I just want to remind you I’m here in Gauteng. And he said Amore! Where are you? And I said no man, Pretoria. And he said because one of our presenters is leaving us, and we’re looking for someone who can do his job. So miraculously, when the time was right … I believe in perfect order. When the time is right. You can only become a presenter if you have a story to tell. Actually, if you think about it, it’s about telling stories. And by then I had so much hardship, I had so many stories! Ja!
R: What is the special thing about radio?
A: Oh my goodness. It’s immediate, and it’s intimate.
R: And talk to me about the bond that you have formed with your audience on Tjailatyd?
A: Okay. So when you speak to masses, you speak to no-one when you’re on radio. When you speak to one, you speak to masses. So after all, it’s just one person sitting on the other side of the radio, so when I speak I imagine I’m chatting with my dad. And I know my dad loves me. And I know my dad doesn’t judge me for anything. So I speak to my dad, and that’s how I believe that I connect with people. Ja.
R: How did food become such a strong element of what you do?
A: My whole life I wanted to know what is my goal in life. And at school I never did any sport. My parents were so in love with each other that they were not worried about academics. And they never really pushed us. They were so into each other, you know? And they gave us a lot of freedom, and I never really had hobbies. There’s only two things that I liked in my life, and that’s eating and talking.
R: (laughs)
A: Ja.
R: So you incorporated that into your show?
A: Ja. And I grew up in a family where everything happened around food. The sad things, the good things, everything happened around food. So that, for me, I see as a way of expressing, and on the other side, Ruda, we have to eat, you know, to stay alive? You might as well enjoy every meal.
R: Ja. You have said that when you are really sad, you always make sure that you go home and you cook yourself a good meal.
A: Yes, because life just looks so much better on a full tummy. Nê? You can handle anything so much better on a full tummy.
R: And not KFC and chips.
A: No, not at all!
R: And now, VeranderDinge? Television? How did that come about?
A: Alan Ford phoned me one day, and I had a stint with TV 20 years ago, but I did not really enjoy it that much. Ja, so.
R: Why?
A: Because it was a comedy show and I was totally out of my depth. Totally out of my depth.
R: Didn’t feel at home?
A: Yes. But your body tells you that, hey? If you’re not excited about a thing, you must listen to your body. And I wasn’t that excited and it was the mid-90s, and I thought okay, this is the natural step. Now I’m excited. I’m more excited now. Ja. So let’s see what happens!
R: So you’ve had a few days of filming. How did you experience it?
A: Look, I had my first interview with you! So it was a bit of a, “oh my goodness”. But then I thought no man, I can’t be Ruda. I must just be me! But you know, Ruda, I’m so interested in people’s stories and what makes them tick and how did they survive their life. So I’m very interested in that, and that’s what I’m going to focus on as well. We’re talking about the changing moments, because change happens. Change, tax, and death happens. So what can people expect in this new season?
A: Well, ja? Once again speaking to well-known South Africans who have gone through hardship and hopefully, hopefully, original ways of tackling change, and authentic ways of tackling change. So ja, we hope for that.
R: Talking about that in your own life, just in your personal life, apart from the career side, the landing that job side. You almost moved to Greece and married a Greek? And then what happened?
A: Oh my goodness. So when I took the final step and emigrated, and there I landed on the Island of Rhodes. It was winter in Greece, and you know, the islands go back 2 000 years ago in winter. Suddenly nobody speaks English, there’s no need to speak English because there’s nothing to sell. But anyway, that was, I didn’t give that any energy because I loved this Greek God. Just for interest’s sake, his name was Stathis, but my dad couldn’t pronounce it lekker so he called him Skatkis. And he was a skatkis (treasure trove). So when I was there, that was now my final, you know, to be with him. I had this very uncomfortable feeling. I lost all my joy, Ruda. In a matter of two weeks there, I lost my joy. I did not know what it was, and I could not find much joy in Greece, and then I knew that was the sign that it’s not for me. But it was so difficult, because I loved this man so much and I went away with a big hoo-hah, everyone knew I was going to go to Greece to start a new life, this was the end of 1993 when we didn’t know what was going to happen in 1994 and oh my goodness, this is a good chance for me to … So I had to come back and it was so embarrassing. And my heart was still so sore because I missed him so much, I still loved him. So besides the heartache, on the other side I also had to find why and where was God in those very, very lonely moments when I asked God please, explain to me, how come I’m so in love with the man, but I have lost my joy. Please explain this to me? But later on, I said to God, you know what? You must talk now. You and I are the only people on this island that understand Afrikaans. Please, talk to me! Loudly! I’m open to hear what you have to say. And then I realised long after that that was actually God speaking to me. Call it your sixth sense, your intuition …
R: That His voice lives inside you?
A: Yes. His way of telling me. If it stopped bringing you joy, it is not for you.
R: It also means that a relationship is not just about the two people.
A: Absolutely.
R: It goes much wider than that.
A: And then you had a really serious and deep relationship with Robbie, what was Robbie’s surname?
A: Nutt.
R: Robbie Nutt. What made that work? Before we talk about the end …
A: Because he had his own life. And that was so attractive. He had his own life, he had his own passions, his hobbies, and I had my own life. So that was very attractive. That made it work …
R: But it was also … There was enough that you had in common as opposed to your Greek god, that you could find a shared space?
A: Yes, ja. We had a lot in common.
R: And then he died in an aircraft accident. How does one overcome that?
A: Yoh! Ruda, there are so many layers of how to overcome it. I immediately saw a traumatologist. Just to help me, just get through the day. And the traumatologist gave me two amazing quotes; those two quotes helped me on my path of healing. The one was: “Despite the pain and the devastation of a trauma, there’s perfect order. Always.” That was the one quote. The other one was that “there’s always a link between a past trauma and a current trauma”. A past pain and a current trauma. And this trauma happens many times so that a past trauma can come to the surface and you can tackle that. So that’s a long deep story, but those two quotes helped me through my healing. So I went to a lot of therapy, but the biggest thing … So my life changed immediately. One thing – I am made for big crises. Not small crises. So what happened immediately was I had to get my life quickly together, because I had to broadcast in two weeks’ time. I’m freelance, so if you don’t work, you don’t get paid. So I took off two weeks after his death, and I was wondering how on earth am I going to go back to my job, because in my job I must be in a very good mood every day. And you know what …
R: You must project energy.
A: You must project energy, and after all, your voice is the muscle of your soul. And your soul is not in a good place? How on earth are you going to handle this? So to come back to my passions – eating and talking – so my whole life, I have been asking God what is my goal in life. So now I was 44 when this happened. So I was wondering how on earth am I going to broadcast? I can’t lie to the people. They will hear I’m sad. So Ruda, in those two weeks in dawned on me what my goal is in life. And I realised it was eating and talking. And that gave me so much joy. Look, there is a difference between joy and happiness. Joy, if you know what your joy is, if you’re on your path, if you’re on … There’s a lovely quote that says: “You are chronically tired because you’re not on your path.” If you know what’s your path, then you have … That joy stays the same. The happiness comes and goes, you get a fine today, tomorrow someone hits you on the head, then you’re unhappy. But your joy stays constant. So I realised …
R: That you’re actually in the right place?
A: I realised I’m sad, yes, but I have not lost my joy. And your joy, that is where God is, man! That’s where God is. That’s where you get your energy from. So I realised I’m so fortunate to have this job because talking is my passion.
R: So did you talk about this? Did you take your audience into your confidence?
A: So here’s the deal. I realised, first of all, so you love eating? Yes, I love eating. Okay, you just see that you eat very well before you go on show. You eat lekker, you spoil yourself. Because that’s a form of nurturing. Look, every time when Jesus had something huge to say, it was around food, with friends. With wine, you know? So food. You first eat. When your tummy is full, dan sien jy kans vir die dag. You can face the world. So when I first went back on air, I explained to them what happened, it’s not as if they didn’t know what was happening. So I just said be with me here. Just, you know? Be with me. So ja, I did not resist that moment – I embraced it. And with that, I’m sure it … All of that … It worked for me. It worked for me. I didn’t fight the pain. It worked for me, you know? So just one last thing about mourning. People have all these wonderful things to say about mourning, but all I can say is mourning exposes you. It exposes you. You don’t necessarily get to become a better person or that there is more meaning in your life, it just exposes you, and then you’ve got to work with that.
R: On a completely practical level, you’ve lived in Eastern Cape, Western Cape and now in Johannesburg. Where do you want to be and why?
A: Okay, I want to be exactly here where I am, in Johannesburg. I love it here. Two things, three things that I love about Johannesburg. Okay, the weather, nê? Dis fantasties! And then the energy of Johannesburg. And you won’t believe it, but it’s a very nurturing place. You will believe it because you live here. But I have a theory for that. You know, when you’re in an aeroplane, you don’t chat to the people around you, but the moment there’s turbulence, you chat to everybody, hey? And I believe, I see us here in Johannesburg, we’re always in a state of turbulence. Look, it’s not the safest city in the world, we’re all in a state of turbulence. We are chatting with each other – call it nervous energy – whatever.
R: It’s also we are constantly open to strangers. If you live in Cape Town, you have your circle of friends and you don’t need anyone else. Here, you will meet a stranger in every situation. So we’re always open to that. It’s a completely different way of relating.
A: Yes, and I love the stimulation of Johannesburg because everybody comes with a new story. Everybody comes for the new story.
R: And your home? What makes a home? Your kitchen, obviously?
A: The smell of food. The smell of food! Yes. You know what …
R: How did you choose the place where you are now?
A: It was actually chosen for me. Robbie said I want to show you where my mom lives, in this lovely estate. I call it a “banggat dorp” – you know, these security estates. And it was lovely, the willow trees, river flowing through it, so it wasn’t a difficult choice, I just knew I was supposed to be there. Ja.
R: Amore, thank you so much, and good luck for VeranderDinge. I hope it works for you, and that it makes you happy.
A: Thank you, Ruda. And thanks for paving the path for me.
R: Ja. That’s what we do! And that’s it, for this session. Until next time, go well.
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