Companies spend millions refining and marketing their ‘core narrative’, or the story they tell about themselves. So why do we pay so little attention to our own?
“You’re not good enough”. “You’ll never get what you want”. “You’re no good at your job”. “You’re so stupid”.
Imagine if someone whispered comments like these into your ear before every important work meeting. Before every date. Before every social occasion. And during every conversation you have with every person you meet, every single day. Now consider the fact that you might be doing exactly this to yourself – and consider how much easier it would be to succeed if you just stopped thinking such nasty things.
Our self-narrative is laid down very early in life, when we begin to take in and assimilate a wide range of messages from parents, caregivers, teachers, siblings and society. From this, we form a story in our heads about who we are; a self-identity that underpins our feelings of value and worth in the world.
While much of this story may be positive, the brain is hard-wired to focus on the negative so we often end up with scripts that no longer serve us. Whether your mind keeps telling you that you’re clumsy, unreliable, messy, shy, anxious or unlucky in love, all of these messages add up to one overwhelming chorus of “I’m not good enough”. And according to behavioural psychologists, changing this message can have a profound impact on both your happiness levels and your ability to deal with change.
So, what to do?
The first step to deciding if your narrative still serves you is to identify your favourite self-limiting catchphrases – the ones that have become incompatible with who you are and who you want to be – and cut them off, or ‘quarantine’ them. That means either learning to ignore the or quietening them down with an activity like meditation. Understanding that the voice in your head is not always your friend and that it will ruthlessly cast you in the same roles unless you take charge, is the first step to being able to rewrite the script and encourage new behaviours that are more aligned to who you want to be.
Experts recommend a range of tools that can assist you to focus and reframe your story, including prayer, meditation, and writing your story in the third person, using he, she or they. This is particularly useful if you have undergone a traumatic experience and are afraid of feeling overwhelmed at having to revisit it, as it provides a healthy, bird’s-eye perspective to the relentless intensity of the “I”.
Writing about yourself in the third person also creates the necessary sense of distance and perspective that is essential to being able to focus deeply and plan for the future. Additionally, it allows our mind to sidestep its ever-vigilant gatekeeper, opening up options that our more fearful and judgmental inner voice might veto.
Lose your mind-imposed limits
It is entirely possible to believe that, regardless of your age, you can get fit, be more adventurous, volunteer with a charity or open a small business. All it takes is a willingness to suspend your own self-judgement and rewrite your own script.
Whether you’re setting goals for the year , drawing up a budget , preparing for retirement or embarking on any other change, self-belief can make all the difference between success and failure. So what are you waiting for? Replace your outdated, negative narrative with a more compassionate, positive, uplifting one, and you will transform your mind from an anchor to a springboard. It’s never too late to take the leap.
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