What’s it like to get back into the dating game when you’re, ahem, on the other side of 40? It’s easy if you can figure out what your spirit animal is. And not so easy if your spirit animal is a Labrador.
(Picture: Barry Bland)
I am pretty new to dating. I have been divorced for a few years now and have managed a total of four dates. None of them have gone particularly well.
There was the one where he arrived with a printed and filed copy of his poetry, all of which had been written to his previous girlfriend. And then there was the one that seemed to be going really well for me and then suddenly the bill was ordered and the night ended, right in the middle of my sentence.
But the most recent date went really well. So well, in fact, that a second date was arranged. The first ‘second date’ in TWENTY years. I was excited!
And that was where it all started to go horribly wrong. There are many ways to date and I date like a large 18-month-old Labrador. I am full of obvious and boundless enthusiasm, lots and lots of communication and I knock drinks off tables with happy wagging tail. All true. Apart from the tail.
The average human male over 40 experiences this lab-like behavior as terrifying. Some may call it overwhelming or claustrophobic but I know what I saw in this man’s eyes. It was pure fear.
Needless to say date two happened, then the weird Whatsapp awkwardness and then The Talk. (The fact that he actually had The Talk with me is a sign of just how nice this man is. Most people would just ghost after such a short time so big respect to this guy.)
I was pretty sad about it. And I felt like it was my fault. If I could just be LESS me, and more like a cat.
I have friends who date like cats and the dedication they illicit; even from the mountain biking men of Tinder is astounding. I don’t know how they do it so assume that there is something irresistible about their aloof calm, self containment, silky softness and such sharp prickly claws.
But it’s just not me. Even if I could pull off some cat-like behavior for the first few dates eventually my inner lab would bound out with her grinning open face and get all up in their personal space.
I was moaning to my friend Max about how I am not designed for dating and would now be spending the rest of my life alone with nothing but a few cats to keep me company. (I know…I love them too. No. I don’t want to talk about it.)
She sent me this gorgeous pic by Barry Bland and said I just needed to find the right elephant for my Labrador. I guess if my dating spirit animal is a clumsy, loving lab, there must be someone out there who is sitting with an elephant that the cat-ladies don’t know what to do with.
So I feel better. And also, I just saw a squirrel, so…
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