I’ve written before on our Therapy Jar, and how I use this imaginary concept to deal with parenting blips. And while this glib little trick fulfils its purpose … it’s a symptom of a larger issue, isn’t it?
We often talk about the cost of raising kids – from the nappies through to school fees and feeding teenagers – but that’s just the financial cost. Or, if you’re not feeling the pinch, that’s the investment we make to give our kids the best possible start we can.
But then there’s the emotional cost of being a parent. Luckily, this cost can also be seen as an investment, not only in our kids and our familes, but also in ourselves.
I remember when I found out our second child was also a boy.
‘That means I’m going to be the only woman in this family, ‘I remarked to my husband Andreas, on the way home from the scan.
‘Yup,’ he said, not taking his eyes off the road.
‘Oh God,’ I replied. ‘That means that our sons are going to start off thinking all women are like me. And I’m a scatty drama queen, with no impulse control! Oh God. I have to fix that. They can’t think women are all scatty drama queens without impulse control!’
‘Yup,’ said Andreas. (He doesn’t hold much truck with my penchant for self-analysis.)
Becoming a parent is easy, we all know that. But trying to be a good enough person to be a parent you can really be proud of? The emotional weight of that task is a formidable one.
The moment you realise that you are holding the mirror that your children will see themselves in, is the moment you become horribly aware of the cracks in that mirror.
I know a lot of women, including me, who started going to therapy right after having kids… I believe as a direct result of this ‘Oh God’ moment.
Parenting is about building a family, not just building children. And as much as you are holding a mirror for them, so they are projecting yourself back at you.
And it’s the most humbling and miraculous thing.
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