“Can’t sing, can’t act, can dance a little.” Such was Hollywood’s assessment, according to legend, of a young screen hopeful by the name of Frederick Austerlitz, who shrugged off the putdown, gave his name a little tweak, and went on to enjoy a hugely successful career as Fred Astaire, perhaps the greatest actor-singer-dancer in the history of the movies.
Which explains why, when the owner of a production company told Thabiso Tema “you will never make a living with your voice”, Thabiso took it as an incentive to learn and improve, rather than as a career-stopping criticism.
Today, as the cordial and upbeat host of the afternoon drive-show on Power FM, Thabiso, known as “TT” to his many fans, not only makes a living with his voice, but has turned his voice into the axis of a successful career that crosses boundaries and disciplines.
With a broadcasting background that includes stints for Supersport, SAfm, Metro FM, Classic FM, BBC Radio and eNCA, Thaboiso has also boldly taken on the tough task of editing a monthly magazine, Destiny Man. How does he do it? How does he find the time? How does he manage to stay so calm and smiling under pressure?
Juggling jobs and demands, Thabiso happily found the time to sit down and chat with Ruda about his rise and rise from an ambitious youngster living in Atteridgeville, to the high-powered corridors of the modern multimedia industry.
Transcript
Ruda: Hello, and a very warm welcome to another session of the Change Exchange. My guest today, Thabiso Tema, better known as TT, the host of the afternoon drive show on Power FM and editor of Destiny Man – that’s a full schedule.
TT: You have no idea. It is extremely … it’s a full schedule, but it is exciting at the same time, you know, I um, I just wish it had come when I was younger and a lot more energetic, but nonetheless, it is a wonderful opportunity to have; to be able to juggle all the things that I’m doing as well.
Ruda: Let’s go back to the beginning. You grew up in Atteridgeville, but then with the schools’ unrest, I think your parents sent you to your grandparents in Mafikeng. How did that change … I mean it’s completely different world. If you look back to it now, what do you think? What difference did it make?
TT: You know? Um, yeah, so I was born in Atteridgeville, and lived my early years there, and then, until, as you say, the 76 uprisings began and obviously spread from Soweto, it spread nationwide and something that concerned my, my mother at the time because my father died when I was only 13 months old, so I was raised by my mother. So, and at the time she was also thinking of furthering her studies, in fact, she was about to further studies as well. So then, uh, and of course I was in the fortunate position that my grandparents were available and they could help out and take the responsibility of taking care of me. So, I was, yeah, at the age of five or more or less, I went to go live with my, with my grandparents. It was, um, you know, at the time it didn’t really … didn’t think much of it, although I didn’t. Yeah,
Ruda: Did you spend your whole school career there?
TT: So, my early years, my would have been sub A, sub B. And then, uh, when I got to, when I reached standard one, then I moved back in with my mother and that’s when we moved to Mafikeng. Um, so. But while, yeah, so when I, the early years when I started school, I was with my grandparents. I lived with them all the time. She would come and visit when she was in the, in the country, she went to study in the UK and then when she would come and visit our, remember the visits would always be horrible because she would leave and I will be in tears and I, because I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t go with her. You know, so … But at the time I didn’t think about what kind of impact that would be having on me. I’m still not sure that I know what impact it had on me. I often compare it to my own children now and look at what will happen, what impact it would have on them if I had to ship them off to and live with my, my mother now. And I just cannot see how that would work.
Ruda: Where does she live now?
TT: My mother lives in Johannesburg as well, so they visit her occasionally, but it’s always, like, overnight. So, um, whenever … We haven’t had an occasion actually with, it’s been more than like a night with her, but now imagine if you had to live with her. I cannot even imagine what that would do to them. I don’t think they could handle it, but for me it was just one of those things. My grandparents were like my, my parents because my cousins and I always would spend the holidays together with my grandparents. So, it didn’t feel like a major adjustment. Yeah.
Ruda: And then, then after school. Where did you go after school?
TT: After school I had a year as an exchange student and um, I studied, I went to Australia, which, and Australia was actually probably my third … It was my third choice, I think of the countries that I wanted to visit, but the other two, were all countries that were not English-speaking and I, because I just felt like, oh, this is going to be the first time I’m out of a country. I don’t want to go to a place where I don’t even know the language, something that I’ve lived to regret. I wish I’d had gone to a place where I was going to learn and pick up a new language because I actually have a passion. I love languages and I would have wished I had done it. But yeah, so I went to Australia because I knew a little bit of, knew, quite a bit about the country. I had an aunt who moved to Australia in the 1980s. She went into exile into Botswana and Botswana became increasingly unsafe. So, she moved to Australia. So, I knew a bit about the country so I thought that wouldn’t be an adjustment. And uh, yeah, so that’s what I did.
Ruda: And when you came back? University?
TT: Yes, when I came back I went to UCT for a year, partied hard for a good year and made a complete balls-up of the studies. And then I came back to Johannesburg and uh, registered with Unisa, studied within Unisa. I did law for how many years? Two years and when I was supposed to go into my third year, I thought, screw this, I can’t do this anymore. And, but because originally my passion, what I really wanted to do was get into film … making films and that kind of thing. But there were no opportunities. There was only one university that I can recall at the time that was a, that offered film, and that was Tuks. They didn’t admit black students at the time, so it wasn’t an option. Apart from that, my mother wasn’t hearing of it is what are, what are you talking about? What is that? It’s not even a career. So that was really what I wanted to do. But then I checked myself into university, did two years of law. Actually, I enjoyed it, but uh, I just thought this is not really what I want to do. And I got an opportunity to go work in a television production company. Um, and I spent a year or so with the production company …
Ruda: You were behind the cameras. You did sound and lighting.
TT: I was helping a lot with scripting and on production. I would do the sound, you know, for the camera man. A friend of mine actually wrote me in because he was doing camera work for them as well. So yeah. And then would do voice overs as well. And uh, I remember doing a voice over on a particular documentary they were doing for a private production house and I’m … The owner saying to me, you will never make a living with your voice.
Ruda: Oh dear!
TT: Absolutely! Whenever you hear people say those kinds of things that I was told you’d never amounted to anything. I was, I used to think, ah, whatever, rubbish. But actually, the guy said to me, you’ll never make a living with your voice.
Ruda: And then how did the radio opportunity arise?
TT: Always been a big sports fan and I always wanted to get into either sports presenting or commentating. That was something that I wanted to do. And um, I, I had expressed that interest as well to my mother who then was invited to SAFM for an interview or something or other. And she got talking to the station managers like, yeah, he loves a radio and wants to get into it. Give him a chance. Yeah. So, from there. Yeah. Okay. Get them to do a demo tape for us or something. Which I did. And uh, it took about seven months or something before they actually called me in, but that was seven months of me calling once or twice every week because they consider that a demo. What do you reckon? No, no, no. We did but just call again. But this was not … I later found out the guy I was talking to was just the technical guy. I wasn’t even, I wasn’t even at the stage was speaking to the station manager.
Ruda: TT, do you think the changes in the country also meant that as a black man, the door was a bit wider open?
TT: Absolutely, it was, it opened up an opportunity for me to go and work on an English radio station.
Ruda: Yes, THE national English radio station.
TT: And it’s an extremely intimidating environment, if I, as, as I recall …
Ruda: What was it like when you walked in.
TT: Okay. Um, so obviously when I, they called me in, I went through training before I ever went on air. And that was with a fantastic broadcaster, a lady who I’m sure you’ll be familiar with, Joy Cameron-Dow, what a fantastic woman.
Ruda: Yes, ultimate professional.
TT: She was a great teacher and a, yeah, I have very fond memories of what she taught me.
Ruda: What was the one thing she taught you?
TT: It was about how to breathe from here, and that I remember that because it was something that took me some getting used to and she taught me how to read and write for radio. Um, you know, you pausing in all the right places and your tempo is all right.
Ruda: And then today’s children just do not do it!
TT: Get on the radio and uh, yeah, I, I considered SAFM the university of radio, you know, I thought I learned so much there. So anyway, once I’ve done the training, then got opportunity to go on a, on AM Live, which … Was it always called them, I would assume so. And the presenter was John Maytham. I hadn’t met him. The first time I saw him was when I walked into the studio to present the sports bulletin because of course the way the SABC works is that we will … The station and the, the current affairs shows were separate units. So, I never came across him. We never even opened up opportunity to like say hello, say hello, where you could like ease me into it and a half way through my bulletin is says to me you do realise that Ferrari have denied that report, and no I didn’t, but, you know, thanks for letting me know and what a mess. I am surprised I got through the rest of the bulletin because I was like, oh my goodness, I’ve stuffed it up. This is it. I’m never getting back on air again. So yeah, it was an incredibly, uh, intimidating.
Ruda: A steep learning curve.
Ruda: Yes. And uh, yeah, he was not accommodating at all. He wasn’t about that. He was all business and uh, having learned what I now know about him, that’s why he’s as good as he is, I suppose. But, uh, it was a hell of a baptism of fire.
TT: And then the television possibility. How did that happen?
TT: So, after some years at SAFM, and this is the beauty of working for the SABC, is that it opens up all kinds of opportunities. So, it emerged that SABC were looking for a television, a top spot as it was known, were looking for commentators for football. And I had done a little bit of commentary for SAFM on football, so I thought and give it a crack. And uh, and It turned out that they’re actually looking for someone to do it in Setswana, which is my mother tongue. And um, but the trick is that while it sounds simple, but the thing is I had gotten through a point where all my working life, I was working in English now. So formulating ideas and like speaking the language properly and getting all the terminology right in Setswana proved to be a hell of a challenge. And I was very conscious of it because, I mean, I know that there are professionals who make a living, doing commentary in Setswana. And here I was busking it, you know, and I was a little bit uncomfortable about it, but I thought, jeez, this is my way in and I’m not going to say no. So, I did that for a few months and then uh, the, the opportunity came to do it in English and uh, I have been doing it since 1999 I think when I started that and I’ve been doing it in English ever since.
Ruda: And then with the start of eTV, you were part of the launch team. Talk to me about that. What it is like to be, to start something new.
TT: It was extremely exciting because you know, I’m a big news junkie. I watch CNN and Sky, BBC and all of that and here was an opportunity to come and replicate that in South Africa and to be a part of that was very exciting for me, and uh, I …
Ruda: It was a new, the whole South African news scene actually changed because M-Net existed, but it didn’t broadcast news. And suddenly there was an alternative news voice …
TT: That wasn’t the SABC. I actually left the SABC at that point. I stopped doing sport at SABC at that point. Actually, took a pay cut to go and be a part of this new project.
Ruda: Why?
TT: I just felt that I needed a change. I got tired of whining about some of the stuff that was going one of the SABC and I thought this is a great opportunity and I wasn’t going to pass it up. And uh, yeah. Um, I didn’t end up staying that long because I was soon lured back into sport again, live commentary and all of that, when I went to SuperSport, by the time that I had there was great and it was also fantastic to be part of something new. Yeah.
Ruda: Yeah. If it happened again with Power FM. And Power FM is such a particular, a very particular beast. We had Given Mkhari on this program before and the whole philosophy, the whole approach, that thing about we are black South Africans and proud of it. Tell me about that and being part of, of that energy.
TT: So, what happened is that when I, as soon as I got wind of the fact that they’re, because they already owned another radio station in Limpopo, Capricorn FM, and I got wind of a fact, that I, I knew Given, um, and uh, so we would chat from time to time. So, when I got, in fact we were colleagues as well, when he did some work at Metro FM at the SABC, um, and then, uh, when I got wind of the fact that they were going to be applying for Gauteng licence for a talk station, I was like, count me in when you do that, please. I want to be part of that. Um, and I think at the time …
Ruda: Why? What drew you to it?
TT: I’ve always loved talk radio. You know, I used to, I was an avid listener of 702 and I always thought that I want to do this one day. Uh, I’m a, I love talking to people. I love the conversation, loved or what they were about as well, what 702 did, you know, at the time that they were doing it? I mean they were pioneers and they were trailblazers, so I wanted that in the idea to do we have a 702. 702 at the time for the longest time, there was a slump, there was voice of, you know, speaking to white South Africa, white middle class South Africans and I thought this is an exciting opportunity to now give a platform to, to, to black people and uh, yeah. So, um, to be a part of that also just excited me.
Ruda: And, and how have you experienced it? Did your, the kind of the picture in your mind, did it come to fruition?
TT: In a lot of ways it has, in a lot of ways, it has become, I mean, of course you are, you’re in a very challenging environment in the sense that you’re competing against a beast like 702 that’s, because there’s no doubt about it. That’s our benchmark. That’s who we have to outperform. But now this is a 30-year-old radio station that you’re, you’re talking about it. And uh, you know, Kaya FM at that point had been around for what, 15 years or so, so these are people that had been doing it and these are our direct competitors to a lesser extent your SAFMs and all of that. But um, so those were challenging times with to try and find that voice, you know, I myself had to try and find my voice as a presenter.
Ruda: What does that mean?
TT: Do I want to mimic somebody else? You don’t try and sound like the guy across town, or what am I going to do? And it took time. It took time. You know, for the most part, you were trying to mimic what those guys because you were thinking this, this must be the way to do it. They’d been doing it for so long.
Ruda: And that’s the only model you have.
TT: And I would say it took me a good two years to get to a point where I said, no, no, no, no. I think I know what I’m about. I think I know who I am and what my strengths are. It’s time to play to those strengths.
Ruda: Can you, can you put it in words how you changed?
TT: I stopped trying to replicate and replicate what I thought was a model for how talk radio should be done. And I became, eh, um, I started to doing talk radio the way that I wanted to sound and I wanted people to know that the person that they were listening to on the radio is exactly the same person that they would come across if they bumped into me in the streets or if it were to interact with me at an event or whatever, at a party, whatever. That I would be exactly the same person. And it took me a couple of years, but I think I’m finally at that point, you know, where I have found my voice.
Ruda: And talk radio is so much more exposing than just reporting because if you’re, if you’re a reporter or commentator, you can keep yourself to yourself. Talk radio is not like that. Are you happy in that, in that environment?
TT: And you know, what makes it even more challenging from that point of view is that we are now living in the era of social media, it is incredibly unforgiving. You have got a discerning audience, people that are for the … I mean I know that a lot of my listeners are much more well educated, a lot more experience about a lot of things than I am, and they’re not gonna let you get away with feeding them nonsense, you know? And that was something I had to learn about the fact that, do you know, you have to. Yeah, I mean, you know, you have to, you I knew that you have to prep when you go in the radio, obviously having been a commentator. But uh, just the extent of the prep. I mean, even now I’m not happy about the amount of work I’m able to put into, into my radio and that’s a lot of it has to do with the fact that unfortunately we live in a in a country where one doesn’t always have the opportunity to specialise where you’re allowed to. If I had it my way now, I would give up the television work and the magazine work and focus on my radio and do just the one thing. I would love to be able to do the one thing and whether they’d be the radio, television and I’m just picking radio because it just happens to be my first love, but not many of us have that luxury as journalists and you would know, Ruda, because people have to go and become a PR and communications specialists or whatever, practitioners in order to make a decent living, you know. And I think it’s an awful pity. I recall travelling with the SABC to Italy to cover a game there. Bafana Bafana were playing against Italy and being at a press conference where myself and my colleague, our cameraman, were the youngest people by, in the room by, maybe 20 years, you know, these were guys who knew the manager from the time when he was a player. The guy was in his sixties, you know, and I felt like, wow.
Ruda: Yeah, we don’t have that yet.
TT: We don’t have the respect for that experience.
Ruda: We had it in a previous, in a previous generation, interestingly enough. But we can talk about that. You as you now refer to it, you are also the editor of Destiny Man. How did that happen and when you got the call, what did you think? What did you feel?
TT: I would say completely surprised that actually at the time …
Ruda: Did Khanyi call you? Khanyi Dhlomo?
TT: Yes, Khanyi got in touch with me and says, I’d like to talk to you about this opportunity to, you know, we’re looking for an editor for Destiny Man. And I was like totally flummoxed, really me, uh, I mean I had written stuff for magazines, contributed to magazines, but I’d never worked in a print environment before. So, I felt like, yeah, that was like a little bit intimidated by the prospect of editing a magazine like Destiny Man with a very strong reputation, well respected …
Ruda: And an established team.
TT: When you walk into people that probably have been working in print all their lives and here you are. But what I did to have is it that you still had to have a sense of news, a sense of what is relevant and what is current to people.
Ruda: And it’s the same audience.
TT: Absolutely, yes indeed. So, I had a sense of that, what prepared me for, for the role, you know, and uh, I figured it out in terms of trying to interpret what it is that the magazine is about and what the magazine seeks to do. I certainly identify with who the magazine talks to and I can certainly be the face if that were the case of that magazine and be the person to bring, bring that idea to life and to …
Ruda: What is the idea?
TT: You know, it’s about a celebration of excellence. You know, we are, we are very aspirational as a title, you know, we are not necessarily going to reflect South Africa or South African men as they are, but how they can be and you do that through celebrating those that have reached that point, you know? But you also have to interpret what success is about and what excellence is about because it comes in different forms. Not everybody is going to be successful by being a successful businessman or a successful politician that the success of a sportsman is just as important and just as remarkable as that of a businessman or a politician or an academic, whatever your chosen field and that is what we’re, we’re about. Yeah.
Ruda: I was reading a fascinating article in the New York Times about black boys in America and the lack of role models. Do you see your role as that as well?
TT: I don’t even think I have a choice in the matter. It is a daunting idea to actually think about the fact that someone considers you a role model, but it is a responsibility that comes with the territory and that comes with the work that I do, that you have a responsibility to those that look up to you and as you say, young black men, young black boys don’t have a lot of role models, particularly those who live in the townships because unfortunately what happened Is that post 94, those models of success and those role models, there was a mass exodus as people are headed for, for suburbia so that in life when young boys in the township now see what success is about is like driving a fancy car, but what does it take to drive that fancy car? The role models that they have in the townships. are not necessarily the most savoury characters, so we have a responsibility to try and show those young people that these things can be done, you know, and that they are more positive and have, dare I say, legal ways to achieve these material things because we live in a society where success unfortunately is judged in material terms, but it is important for them to be able to see themselves, uh, in us and I say us as the people who are in my position who also are public figures now because of the work that I do. So, it’s not something that I set out to be that I’m going to be a role model, but it has certainly …
Ruda: It comes with the territory as you say …
TT: And I’ve had to embrace it and actually accepted that that is my responsibility, that I have to be about something bigger than myself.
Ruda: And plans? Or dreams, professionally?
TT: I would like to be like those old men that I saw in Italy. To be able to retire, doing what I do. Um, I’ve had a taste of management. I saw that I don’t really have a desire.
Ruda: Not your thing?
TT: No, I don’t particularly like I’m, I’m, I’m much. I think I consider myself a follower, you know, and I don’t even think that they, I do play a leadership role now and I …
Ruda: But part of a team.
TT: But I don’t consider myself a boss. I would rather consider myself a coach if you like, and somebody who helps people to thrive and someone who helps, uh, my team bring out the best in themselves and I also have … That is the approach that I take to, to management is that I allow people to thrive and instead I will guide them and I will help them where I think that they’re going wrong. But I certainly don’t bark instructions at people and I have no desire to do that. So, I would like to be able to do what I do until I’m at a stage where I don’t want to do it anymore and I say thank you very much. And I hope that, um, our industry will mature enough to be able to respect the fact that this is not a hobby. We’re not doing this as a hobby. This is what we do. This is a craft that we take very seriously and in as much as somebody is going to retire as a teacher, I want to be able to retire as a broadcaster.
Ruda: As a radio man.
TT: As a radio man, ja.
Ruda: And talk about radio people. Let’s go to your personal life, if I may. You met your wife, Celeste, she was working for RSG – for the Afrikaans radio service.
TT: Yes. I bumped into her in the corridors there, there in the dungeons of the SABC.
Ruda: I’ve been there.
TT: She actually worked down the passage from where I was.
Ruda: And what attracted you, apart from the … You know, they say love at first sight is lust with potential …
TT: That’s a very good way of putting it.
Ruda: Apart from what you saw?
TT: Yeah, apart from what I saw, obviously once I got to know her, um, I came across somebody who was actually, I mean, apart from the fact that we actually got along because I suppose we do the same kind of work. The kind of it was easy to get into a conversation where we related to one another …
Ruda: Share the same values?
TT: We shared indeed. That was very important … Was the longer that we got to know each other and I got to, in the early stages of our courtship, I got to meet her father, which was not part of my plan, but she insisted. So, my father’s coming to town, because she’s from Cape Town, my father comes into town and I’d like you to meet him. And it was like, oh my goodness. I was worried and uh, okay, what happened? I went along and I met her father, and he hugged me. It like oh my word, okay, I wasn’t ready for that. So, what I’m, you know, got to know the father and, and got to realise that she was raised to a large extent in a similar way to how I was. We saw we had a very similar outlook on the world and our values, we’re definitely aligned.
Ruda: Different cultural backgrounds, and yet you found you are more similar than different.
TT: Absolutely. Uh, I mean she was raised in a coloured family in in Cape Town, which is very different and as I’m sure you would know that, that um, coloured South Africans and uh, you know, especially in the Western Cape, are very different from their black counterparts in terms of the life that they led, you know, they enjoyed certainly a little bit more privilege, as much privilege as apartheid would afford you. And they were also damaged to some extent if you can use that word by the system that actually convinced them that you are actually the better blacks. So, it was a, a bit, always a challenge when I remember even when I was in Cape Town, uh, that uh, trying to date coloured girls, it just didn’t happen. They were, they were not open to it. They did not consider. It was like, no, go to your own people. They will actually say stuff like that. So, there was an element of me that was very nervous about how they would receive me. Um, but, uh, obviously in time I discovered through her I would have known from her how they resolved, by the time I met them I was very confident that I would be well received, but yes, raised in very different worlds. Um, but uh, I mean and very, she was in a very religious family. I was in a very religious. I grew up in a, not as religious as hers was. I used to tease her and say ja, your family are more Christian fundamentalist. They’ve loosened nap and I’d like to take some of the credit for that. Yeah, when we got married, like a, okay, that’s fine, but there will be no alcohol at the wedding. And I was like, okay, that is going to be a problem, because I have drinkers in my family, you know. But eventually they came around and made, it wasn’t as if it were going to find themselves in an environment that was completely alien to them because it wasn’t going to people falling about the place. So that didn’t happen. And I think that by the time that they had to come, because you know, we had two parts – the Cape Town part of the wedding and they had to come to Johannesburg as well by the time they came up, they were quite comfortable with the idea of being in an environment where people are drinking and all of that.
Ruda: So, you’ve been married, about what, about 15 years now?
TT: 15 years. It will be 16 years this year.
Ruda: And what keeps it going? 15 years is quite some time.
TT: It is quite some time. And as I’ve learned, uh, that uh, you know, first of all, I mean marriage is a strong commitment and I think, uh, and then I think also what my mother told me when I got married or something to realise about love and marriage is that love is not just an emotion. It’s much more than an emotion. It’s a choice. It’s a choice and commitment and a decision that you make. You choose to love that person that you’re with. And …
Ruda: Even on the days you don’t like her.
TT: Absolutely. And it takes work. You know, I’ve often used the analogy of a business arrangement as crude as it might sound. But when you go into business with someone, you’re not going to call it off at the first sign of disagreement, you know, people stay in business with people that they fight with and a fierce fight with for many years. Yeah. Sometimes the fights become too much and they go their separate ways. But the fact is that they work at it, you know, what brings them together and all the things that bring them together, um, exceed the things that um, you know, divide them. And it’s the same with my wife.
Ruda: If you say, work at it? What do you do to keep the connection?
TT: Communication has been very important. Um, we talk about our feelings not as much as personality. Maybe make myself not as much as she would like. I tend to bottle things up or my, you know, she deals with things and uh, uh, I always say you’re the fighter in this outfit. And uh, so she’s, she speaks her mind and if something is not making her happy, she’s let it be known. And the fact that we’ve been so open in our relationship has been the most important part, the communication.
Ruda: But it also sounds as if both of you had very good role models in your parents.
TT: Absolutely. I mean, with her. Um, I looked at the way her father and mother related to one another. I didn’t have that privilege that she has had of growing up, raised by both parents, you know, but I see the way that her mother related to her father and the way their father treated her mum. And it was something that I wanted to replicate, the way her father treated his children and he was a very doting father, you know, even when … These were adults that we were talking about, not kids anymore by the time I met them. But he would stay up until she came home. And I was like, geez, your dad’s got to chill. You’re not a child anymore. But I admired the way that he related to his wife and the love that issued for his wife. And um, and I think that it was something that my mother also picked up on and she said it’s very important that, uh, you know, you look at the way the mother relates to the father you, you will also know how you are expected to treat their child. And uh, yeah, that was very, very, very important.
Ruda: And then your own children. Can you remember the first time you held your baby?
TT: Yoh! It’s … I can. My firstborn, my memories of my … Actually, I suppose I have, I was in a daze when my first child was born in … I’ve heard people say it was the happiest day of my life when my first child was born. For me it was a bit of a blur that day and I was almost having an outer body experience. I didn’t … I was like, wow.
Ruda: It was just too much?
TT: It was, it was too much and it took me, even the emotions that are supposed to accompany that you’re supposed to be so in love with this person. And I didn’t feel that at first, you know?
Ruda: A new-born baby is not pretty.
TT: It was like, all right, this person, this little person, this little being is me, is who I’m supposed to look after, this person. So, I had to grow into that one as well, you know, so I didn’t experience the overwhelming emotion that people speak of when they have their first child, when their kids are born. And it was, it was, um, the, there was a different experience because with my first one I knew that it was going to be a girl, because, you know, we were happy to have the doctor tell us. But with the second one we said no, we’d like a surprise, we would like not to know. So yeah. Uh, when my daughter, my second one was born as well, it was like now it was a surprise that oh, [inaudible] it’s not a boy, but you soon quickly get over that, you know.
Ruda: And how did they change you?
TT: Uh, gosh, um, I think I also had to do a lot of growing up. We had to wait a long time to have kids. I mean, we, when we first got married, we just said, no, let’s give ourselves a few years and get to know each other better, you know, before we bring in children into it, you know, you, you, you have this assumption.
Ruda: It’s complicated enough.
TT: Yeah, absolutely. And you also have this assumption or this arrogance that you will have children when you, uh, when you choose to have them. It doesn’t work like that and it’s not up to you. So, we went through many years where we had to deal with the challenges of not being able to conceive a child and it can be quite testing to the relationship, take, it’s going to take its toll. Um, but I’m quite grateful that we had to wait as long as we did because it meant that we matured as a couple. We’ve matured as individuals and that I had to grow up as well in that a couple of years into a, after my child was born, I had to also look at my own lifestyle and who I was. I think I’m a matured a lot later than my wife did. Grew into the role later than she did and make decisions about what priorities were in my life now. Um, you know, things such as friends become a lot less important to you. You become a little bit more focused from even a, a career point of view to know that now everything that you are doing is to contribute to the future.
Ruda: But it is also about time priorities, heh?
TT: Yes, that is something that I’m still grappling with today because of the work that I do that uh, I don’t keep regular hours, nine to five back at home where … then I spent weekends with my children and my wife. I don’t know. I haven’t had that. I’ve never really had that since I started working. So, it is now. It’s something that I made a conscious effort to try and make the time, every spare moment that I have, I spend with my wife and children because I don’t have a lot of spare time. You know, my schedule … simply doesn’t allow the luxuries that everybody else has. You know, like my wife always says when we are together as a family on the rare weekend, we’re like, see this is what normal people do and yeah, and I’ve come to, to, to appreciate that, you know, it’s something that a lot of people take for granted because it’s a lot … It’s something that not all people have, you know, they’re with their families every weekend. I have not had that luxury and so it took me a while as well to realise that well, listen, you can’t now, on the one Saturday that you have off, you want to go and play golf. It’s just not an option or want to go and hang out with the boys, but I’ve embraced it. I’m very comfortable with it now and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Ruda: TT, and home? What is home? What Is non-negotiable when you, when you, when you were looking for a home? What were you looking for?
TT: A home as in the physical structure or are we talking about … Oh, okay. Um, for me, a garden has always been important. I always felt like whatever I live in has to have a garden, I like the idea of being able to have space, you know. Um, I remember when I lived with, still lived with my mother, when she moved into a cluster house, how I, how suffocating I found it because you’ve got so little space and you’re living one on top of the other. And I always grew up in homes where we had space when I lived with my grandparents, they lived in a small town, a township where there was lots of space. We had a big yard. So yeah, that’s always been a non-negotiable for me. Um, and in terms of what other things that are important to me, it’s got to have a nice living area. The kitchen, very important.
Ruda: Do you cook?
TT: I do, I do from time. Not as much as I used to in the past. Uh, but I like to dabble in, in the, in the kitchen. Uh, I used to think I am, I’m a great cook until MasterChef came on TV. And I realised that what I’m doing is messing around. I’m boiling eggs. I might as well just be boiling eggs compared to what people do there, so I’m definitely not on that level. I’m a, I’m a pragmatic or practical cook. I just churn out meals. That day, if we need to eat, I will put something together. Every now and again I’ll experiment, but I do like to do it.
Ruda: And what makes a house a home?
TT: It’s love. It’s the people that occupy that house and make It a home, you know, um, if I were going back to the same home, the same house that I live in without the people in it, it would not be, would not be, it will not be the same. I might as well be living in a, in a, in a hostel. You know, actually the trappings, the house comes with a would mean absolutely nothing if I didn’t have my family to share it with. So that is, it’s the people in it. It’s the love that is now in her home. I know I can come back home from a bad day at work and know that I’m going to a place where I’m not going to be judged, where it’s a place of refuge, so it’s a safe space for me, so it means absolutely everything to me to have the people that are inside of that house. We can live in a tent for all I care, but as long as I’ve got them. Yeah.
Ruda: TT, thank you so much for spending some of your precious time with us.
TT: Thank you very much.
Ruda: I hope you have a long and happy career as a radio man.
TT: Thank you so much and it’s been an absolute pleasure and a privilege to meet you as well as somebody that I grew, that I’ve watched for so many years, you know, on the television.
Ruda: As long as you don’t call me tannie.
TT: I promise I won’t, and but yeah, to be able to share with a professional that I respect so much. I appreciate you inviting me.
Ruda: Thank you. Until the next time, goodbye.
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