Everyone knows Graeme Smith as the former captain of the Proteas. But these days, he’s the captain of a young family, finding his feet in a brand new environment outside the jet-setting world of international cricket.
Graeme took charge of his teammates, coaches and staff on tour at the age of 22 – something that was set to change his life forever. Since his retirement from international cricket in 2014, his responsibilities shifted to his family. He says it’s like running a business. There’s a lot more love and care involved in a family – but it’s a similar thing: You have to manage relationships.
Ruda interviewed Graeme shortly after the announcement of his retirement, and during our conversation it was clear that change is a constant in Graeme’s life. Since the interview with Ruda, it’s been announced that Graeme has been appointed as tournament director of South-Africa’s domestic Twenty20 competion. He also seperated from Iris songstress Morgan Deane, with whom he has two little girls. They subsequently divorced, and he has since found happiness with his partner Romy Lanfranchi, and they became parents of a baby boy in 2016.
Here’s the full transcript of Ruda’s interview with Graeme:
Ruda: Graeme Smith, our guest today on the Change Exchange. Welcome, I’m sorry you’re struggling with a cold.
Graeme: No, thank you for having me. I hopefully can get out a few good answers with a cold, but I’m very happy to be here. Thank you.
Ruda: Graeme, this is all about change in one’s life and if I go back in your life, then the first huge step was becoming captain of the South African team at 22. Did you dream about that? Did you hope for it? Or did it just come upon you?
Graeme: I did – I did dream about it but I don’t think I dreamt I would get it at twenty-two.
Ruda: Did you really? I mean, was there a vision?
Graeme: I was fortunate – I think cricket for me was my dream. I loved sport as a youngster and as I progressed through the age-groups, cricket began to be the most prominent thing in my life. From the age of about sixteen I honestly can’t remember wanting to be anything else. I mean I had my parents arguing, “Do your homework, you never know you could get injured” – trying every trick out of the book but for me it was always cricket. The fortunate thing that I had was I was sent to an academy at about the age of 12 or 13 and there was a psychologist that taught us about goal-setting. I think that’s why I had written down that I would love to captain South Africa one day. So that had kind of always been a dream.
Ruda: Where did you put that, that piece of paper?
Graeme: I’ve actually still got that piece of paper – I still have it in the exact-same little folder I had as a twelve or thirteen year-old. I always carried it around with me. You know occasionally through my career I’d occasionally go back and look at things – whether it was a tough time or a good time. I’d go back just to create perspective on what you had been through to get to this point in your career and when you play for South Africa for twelve years you go through so much but I always enjoyed going back and seeing where it all started.
Ruda: Are you a five-year planner or a “vision man”?
Graeme: [laughs] I’m probably a daily planner or a weekly planner but I certainly haven’t planned long term in anything I’ve done. I think that with my career and everything I was faced with, things change so quickly – from day to day, from week to week. Form venue to venue – everything is different. You’re travelling the world, and even in South Africa, you travelling to different parts of the country, so there are different challenges you face. You need to be able to meet them along the way and over time gain the experience at doing that.
Ruda: In practical terms, how did you handle it? It’s a very big job for a very young person. Did you look for mentors? Did you read? How did you approach it?
Graeme: I read fair amount. I think the first big tour I had was to England and I tried to interact with various people on that tour – obviously the immediate people around me. If I’m honest, I was never put on a speaking course, I was never actually assigned a mentor at 22 – I learned through my own growth, really, my mistakes, when I did things well, having the ability to look in the mirror. Until the point of about 2006 or 2007 when I really started to work with Paddy Upton who eventually became the team psychologist. Straight after Paddy I became very close with a guy named Jeremy Snape who then became a really important mentor and helped me change this young…
Ruda: … Brash upstart? [laughs]
Graeme: Well I don’t think I was originally a brash upstart but I think I portrayed that because maybe I didn’t have the confidence in what needed to be done. As I started to grow and find the confidence in myself and understand what the role really required. Then I started to settle down and started to figure out this plan and within in that calm it sort of allowed myself to grow and be more open with a lot of people.
Ruda: This is a question that came from our online community regarding that, it comes from André and Tanya Grobler: “You seem to have been on the short end of the stick with many negative remarks both personally and professionally, how do you rise above that?”
Graeme: I would just say an inner strength. People will tell you to hide away from it, it always finds a way to track you down, whether you haven’t read the paper today and one of your friends phones you and says “can’t believe what that guy said about you”. You always end up hearing things here and there, but I think it’s inner strength – I was never a guy defined by what people said about me, I mean, if wore nice clothes and people said “you look good” – well then I felt good but I wasn’t that type of guy. I had an internal strength that drove me.
Ruda: You knew who you were.
Graeme: That was why I managed to handle it a long time. I knew my strengths and weaknesses, I knew the things I needed to work on as a player and as a person. But a lot of my strength came from inside of me. I wasn’t defined by a remark a person made – even though it hurts, you still know you have that inner strength to go and hopefully perform or make things right. And maybe turn that person around through what you can control and that’s your performance, really.
Ruda: When you think back on it now at the ripe old age of 33, what advice would you give a young person who takes on a big job? Any big job?
Graeme: [laughs] No tot take it at 22 years old.
Ruda: Was it rough?
Graeme: Ja, it was rough. I think South African cricket at that time was very young in many ways, there were so many changes taking place from politics to selection to setting up structures for the game. I was a part of, in the 12 years, a huge growth spurt in Cricket South Africa and in the Proteas. I think there were very tough days along the way. That’s the thing I was probably proudest of over the period of time – having that ability to still perform under that pressure, to still find a way to be successful.
Ruda: It sounds as if what you’re saying is “focus”, know what you can bring and shut out the noise.
Graeme: Well I don’t think you are ever going to be able to impress 50 million people. Let’s just say there’s 20 million cricket fans in South Africa – that’s a vast number. If you end up focusing a lot on that sort of stuff it can become very daunting, it can become very challenging. Even though you know there are so many different perspectives you’re the one in that environment that needs to make a success of it. That was always my goal — I wanted to always do the very best I could for the team. I was coming from a good place, my heart was in the right place. That trueness was important to me.
Ruda: I spoke to a doctor in Port Elizabeth recently and he said… he’s also done amazing community work… and he said that you point your heart in the right direction and you go – it’s such a lovely remark. Can I ask you something slightly different – sportsmen are often young people with a lot of money but they know their career is going to be quite short. How did you manage your finances?
Graeme: There were challenges along the way I guess, it wasn’t always perfect. I was very fortunate in that we were a family that didn’t come from a lot of money. We were a pretty poor family initially; my dad worked really hard to set-up his own business. So I think that in terms of him building his business and it being what it is today really helped me and benefited me. He really took care making sure I made the right decisions with my finances. Didn’t waste and flash around and end up with nothing at 34 or what I am now, 33 And along the way you meet certain people and you make hopefully better decisions in terms of the relationships and the people that get involved in your life. I think associating with some really good finance people sort of half-way through my career have benefited me now in having a family. I guess at that stage, being a young man and you’re earning money, you don’t really think too much about the future and the challenges of when you retire and suddenly you’ve got kids and wife that need support. So I was very fortunate initially that my father played a very important role in that – in meeting some good people along the way that helped.
Ruda: What are the principles? For young people watching this – what can you teach them form the great old age of 33.
Graeme: [laughs] I think everyone’s going to face their own challenges – everyone’s background.
Ruda: But don’t buy the Lamborghini?
Graeme: The guys are earning a lot more than I was when I originally started with IPLs and stuff like that. I think the old balance and common-sense theme is always important. It’s also what type of person you want to be – those nice things come along the way. I remember writing an email yesterday to Surrey, there’s a young group of cricketers in Surrey where I’ve just been recently. There’s Londoners – flashy and you know, and I always say to them “if you can take care of this then the money and everything else will take care of itself – don’t lose focus”. Ultimately the guys in that ability have been given a talent and they need to surround themselves with good people. The career takes up 90% of your time because you’re travelling, you’re playing – it’s all-consuming. So you need to surround yourself with good people who can hopefully help set up that part of your life, take care of the small things and guide you.
Ruda: Against that background what does a career like that – and I think a sports career, a professional sportsman, is an extreme – but many jobs are all-consuming. How do you balance relationships? How do you get close to other people if you’re so constantly on the go?
Graeme: I found it challenging especially form a captaincy perspective because you constantly bring your work home at night. I struggled to sleep at times before big games and you’re stressed. I was sort of single for a lot of my career – there were a few relationships along the way but nothing that really stands out until I met my wife and that’s when things started to change. Suddenly for the first time in my life I believed that, “this is my wife, I want to marry her”. Everything changes – my mother always used to say to me that you’ll get to that point and I would laugh at her but it did, it hit me smack in the head and suddenly there was another phase of life that opened up. I think balance was always the challenge. I was very fortunate that my wife sacrificed for me also to do my thing whether it was traveling around with the kids on tour with me so I could see my family or giving up her job at the time. I was very fortunate that she was a strong woman and in turn helped me.
Ruda: How has marriage changed you personally and practically?
Graeme: I guess I’ve learnt balance. Having kids, now, and a wife you need to learn to manage your time way better and I think that that’s been a unique challenge for me.
Ruda: You can’t get absorbed in something for five days at a time.
Graeme: Ja, I did that a lot in my career. But also when you are in that moment to make that moment really real – if I’m giving my wife time, then to really make sure I’m giving her proper time and likewise with the kids. Don’t be around but not be round, if you know what I mean. So when I get those moments outside being really busy I try and maximize it and make sure I really put the time and effort in.
Ruda: How are you handling such a big change in your life – you were a young man, you only had yourself to worry about and now there are three other people depending on you.
Graeme: I think that the captaincy has played a role in that – at twenty-two I started taking care of fifteen other guys on tour and coaches, and staff, and many other assets. So I almost kind of ran a business there – and family, I wouldn’t say that it’s a business- there’s a lot more love and care involved, but it’s a similar thing. You need to manage relationships. So from my perspective that probably helped in the role – from and emotional intelligence point of view and also understanding people. My wife still keeps me on the straight and narrow – she gives me a “klap” every now and again and keeps me solid. The thing is I’m with people I want to make the effort for and that’s a big thing. My wife and my kids play a big role in my life. I want to make the effort for them.
Ruda: And that thing, we were referring to it recently, your little girl was injured. I remember when my son was little and that kind of feeling that you melt when you’re with them and you just want to be there all the time and protect them against everything.
Graeme: I know, when I think about it, it was a really stressful time in my life when she got hurt. We were in the middle of a massive series against Australia and I was literally taking her to the hospital the morning of the games and having procedures and then having to leave to go and play the test match.
Ruda: She was burnt with hot water?
Graeme: Ja, she got burnt with hot water down her face and her arm and her leg. So I was taking her into the hospital, I’d walk in with her and she’d be gassed and they’d put her out and lay with her, and walk out and wait for her to recover then I’d walk to the grounds and play against Australia. It was a very stressful time and probably played a big role in why I retired.
Ruda: Talk to me about that, because the end of – it’s not a career, your cricket career might go on, but you’re on such a high so often, so constantly – and then to close that door. What was it like?
Graeme: Initially it was very daunting. I think the thought had been in my mind for a period of time and there had been things that had been happening around that had started to make me consider it.
Ruda: Because of the family?
Graeme: Family and Gary Kirsten was coach and he moved aside, and Jacques Kallis retired from a format. Suddenly, I mean I had been playing for South Africa for twelve years, captaining for eleven or something like that, and it definitely started coming into my mind. I think ideally would have loved to have gone to another World Cup and played against England here at the end of next year. The time just slowly crept up on me and it was becoming more and more prominent in my head. Various things around the team and my family were edging me slightly closer to that, and then my daughter got injured and then I think it became a real thought. To be honest with you I think I caught a lot of people by surprise, including my parents – I don’t think my dad’s quite dealt with it yet, that I’ve retired. From my perspective, I sit here today, very relaxed with it. I feel very comfortable with the decision I made.
Ruda: Do you miss the Limelight?
Graeme: I don’t at all – I miss my team-mates, I miss that environment. I really loved that part of sport – really being out there in tough parts of the world and winning and sharing in that celebration with each other and things you had created working hard. I miss that side of things but I’m really love this sort of more relaxed nature – I feel like my heart can breathe again almost. I feel like there is a lot more space in my life. Initially it was very daunting, I had been receiving one paycheck for twelve years and suddenly that was no longer there. Suddenly you’ve got kids and a wife – back to the earlier question. Luckily I looked after money reasonably well which gave me a space to take time and start to consider what the next move was for myself.
Ruda: I have a friend who says you need to have an “F-you fund” so that if you decide that whatever you’re in doesn’t work for you anymore, you can actually walk away. That’s what you created – it wasn’t like Indiana Jones stepping out into nothing and then the bridge must appear
Graeme: It was still daunting though. The day after I had retired we had a power failure at the house so I thought “oh no it’s starting early” – things are being cut-off. Luckily I had good people around me that said “take your time, take your time” because it’s so easy to then jump into the next thing because you want to replace maybe financially, or the security you’ve had. Over that three-month period, things became a lot clearer. I was fortunate I could have that period to really think about it.
Ruda: Are your plan now taking shape, or not yet?
Graeme: There are a few things that are taking shape – I haven’t quite committed to anything yet but there are a few things there. I think there are some big decisions to make in the next few weeks in my life. I’m very interested in business- business of sport and business. There’s obviously still the cricket side; there’s offers to play in the Big Bash in Australia there’s stuff for the local, domestic competitions here. SO there’re a lot of decisions that need to be made but I’m feeling a lot clearer in myself to make that decision.
Ruda: I think a lot of people are waiting to hear if you will coach because it seems like such an obvious path to take. Are you attracted to that?
Graeme: I’m attracted to anything that involves cricket, really. It’s a subject, or a sport, that has given me so much pleasure and so much learning over the years. For me the travelling aspect of being a coach is something I need some time away from. Since I was 21 I’ve been travelling the world- sometimes 250 days of the year. It’s only the last part of my career that I’ve been dragging my wife and kids everywhere, keeping them in hotel rooms. Being at home and seeing my kids flourish in their own environment, starting play-school and the like – I love that. I think the thing that interests me is maybe the business of sport rather than coaching – getting involved in aspects that are around the team and around administration and also business.
Ruda: How do you experience the loss of definition – for so many years you were South Africa’s cricket captain, and now there’s not easy answer to “I am… something”.
Graeme: I think that will be tough. When you’re doing a few different things also – learning to juggle your time, your space and giving those things the mental energy you gave the one thing for 12, 14, 15 years – that’s going to be the challenge.
Ruda: And you defined yourself as, of course you had to, “the captain of the South African cricket team”.
Graeme: I think I’ve come to terms with the brand that I am, for want of a better word “Brand: Graeme Smith”. There were many times in my career where I’d get a little bit torn with that; I felt like my batting would never be recognized because of the leadership or the captaincy – that was always where I was defined and sometimes the performances you put in where never really recognized. Right now I feel very comfortable. The responses I’ve received from people when I retired; I’ve had people cry on my shoulder for a time and I’ve walked into restaurants and people have been fantastic. It just makes you grateful for all the time and effort that you gave. You played and you won games around the world for many, many fans and to see the reactions now are so meaningful. I think this next adventure is just starting. The same principles apply – internally I have this drive to want to achieve in this new adventure and hopefully along the way there’ll be some great support.
Ruda: And your wife? To come from green Ireland to South Africa – well the Western Cape is fairly green – what has been her experience, if I can ask you to speak for her?
Graeme: No, she loves Cape Town. I’m very fortunate from that perspective. I guess when you meet someone from another part of the world there’s always that challenge; someone’s got to give up something. I’m very grateful for the sacrifices she made, especially in that last part of my career with the kids. I’m fortunate she’s really become stable and loves living here.
Ruda: It’s a huge responsibility because you are her only link to this new community.
Graeme: In the first part, before she made friends and forged relationships, made some girlfriends – yes, in that first part there’s a huge responsibility. There’s a lot of time and effort that needs to be put in to set up things – I mean she arrived here not having a bank account, nothing. Her whole network that she knew suddenly was taken away and had to be restarted here. So initially there was a lot of time and effort ploughed into the relationship to set things up. It’s great to see how she’s flourishing now and loves being in South Africa.
Ruda: Do you have a motto for life?
Graeme: There were many different mantras or mottos along the way. When I was young I always used to have this quote, “some people dream of success, other people wake up and work towards it” – that was kind of something that stuck with me as a young guy. When I used to stand out in the middle batting, under all this pressure and facing the fastest bowlers in the world I used to think, “Balance, watch the ball, straight”. Those were the three words that stuck with me throughout my batting.
Ruda: Why straight?
Graeme: You know, play straight. Straight thinking, or whatever it was; clear. Because if you thinking a million things out in the middle you don’t actually watch the ball being bowled at you at 150km an hour. So that kind of was a mantra there. And now I’m very into the culture business, sport, South Africa, people. One of the legacies that I left behind was the Proteas culture. We went and did a study on the Protea that was given, the Springbok emblem has been around years and years, but the Proteas were given this environment. It was one thing that I felt was always lacking. We went and did a study on the Protea- it’s the first flower to regenerate after a fire, it’s resilient. We got a lot of our values out of that stuff and the guys still live it today – if you seem them tweeting; from traditions to team songs. That’s something that really interests me. South Africa is driven by people, as a nation that’s our strength. If you think about the Samoan people they come from the rivers and the mountains – I think South Africans are people. That’s something that I’m very interested in.
Ruda: Thank you, I just have a few free-standing questions from the people out there and thank you for reaching out. Ant Muller, he’s a sports writer, “Can he come out of retirement to retire Alistair Cook for the good of the English cricket?”
Graeme: [laughs] The amount of times I get asked that question because in my career three English captains after tours when we had been there.
Ruda: Shame on you!
Graeme: It’s always a good bit of banter. I don’t like to take credit for it, I think we came along as very good team and happened to beat them at the right times. I guess it’s a nice thing to joke about especially with the English.
Ruda: Lungize Lamani, “What do you think of Amla as captain?”
Graeme: It’s going to be interesting to watch. I have so much respect for Hash as a person, and as a cricketer – he’s an outstanding cricketer. I don’t think initially he would have been my first choice because he operates very removed – he’s calm and relaxed and slightly sort of removed from the environment, he’s a very religious guy. I think it’s going to interesting how he stands up now to being shoved, in a way, to the front. You got to make decisions now for the team, attend all the meetings, all the press conferences. There’s no doubt in my mind that he’s got the capacity to make a real success of it.
Ruda: It is a huge difference; it is going to be very interesting. From Grant Hoeval, “would you be happy if your kids grew up to be singers like your wife, rather than cricketers like Hershell Gibbs?”
Graeme: Well he’s probably having a dig at Hershell, personality and stuff. I want my kids to be whatever they want to be – hopefully it’s something good. I just want them to be happy. I would love to provide a really good life for them and a good education. The only thing that I’m probably strong on is that I’d like them to play a team sport even it’s like “E” team or “F” team – I don’t care about the levels. I think you learn so much from being in a team environment.
Ruda: Graeme thank you very much, this has been most enjoyable and all the very, very best for the future.
Graeme: No, Ruda it was actually awesome to spend some time with you – I watched you on TV for many, many years and it was great to finally confront that gap. It was awesome, thank you.
Ruda: Go well.
Graeme: Cheers.
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