A story about letting go of fear, learning to love change, and deciding for yourself who gets to sit at your table of happiness. By Sureshnie Rider
A Dark Brown Girl has loved a White Skinned, Blue-Eyed Man for the past 12 years. A man named Leigh. That girl is Me. Sureshnie.
I love him so much, that I went against many in my family and my community and married him. I married his beautiful heart and brilliant mind. Then I loved him even more, and together we created a little human, who is the perfect blend of the both of us. He and her have changed my life. For the Best.
I have changed in Body and Mind, but the biggest change is in my heart. I have made it stronger, bigger and more elastic, to bear the good and the bad and sometimes ugly. You see, I am a people pleaser.
I am someone who always endeavours to toe the line, follow the rules, play fair and never upset the apple cart.
I battled with the idea of telling my family I was dating Leigh. I was so terrified of what they would think, that I hid him for a whole year, before I had the courage to tell my Mum and Dad that I had met the man I would marry.
Leigh came into my life and turned it inside out in the most magnificent way. For the first time, I met fear face to face…and told Fear to get lost. My family did not see this coming. There was initial shock, some crying, some long chats with ancestors, some prayers, many questions, some aftershock, and then silence. That was the hardest…the silence.
It was hard knowing that my choice was making it uncomfortable for a lot of people I loved, and that it was creating worry. Mostly for my family.
They were afraid of the unknown. It felt like unchartered cultural waters. I could have given in and let him go. But I didn’t want to give up on someone who was standing so tall for me.
I look back at that time in my life, and I have no regret.
I look back at our families and friends, and see how they too overcame fear. It was never about being different, it was about seeing what we had in common. Love. Just Love. Love that came in a different colour. Love that was willing to stand upright and proud. They stood united with us in our choice.
Then I look into the eyes of our precious daughter, Pavani Milan. She is here because of that love, that stood strong and brave. That faith we found in ourselves, even when it was tested and taunted by hate and dislike.
I never forgot the ridicule or the anonymous threats. I never forgot the glances or the feeling that I was wrong for how I felt. I used them as bricks to build a foundation of strength, enlightenment, and tenacity.
Every day I look behind, I look to my side and I look ahead, and in every one of those moments, I have changed. I’m so happy I never gave up or gave in. I’ve always been a believer in living a life with purpose. My life’s purpose is now inspired by a mantra.
A frame that is helping me achieve my next goal. It’s Simple. Ask, Believe, Receive.
Most of what I have achieved since that day, when I stood in front of my parents and whispered from a quivering mouth, was part of my step to Asking, Believing and Receiving. Asking for my love to be accepted. Believing that it will. And eventually, receiving that Acceptance. I had to surround myself with the right people, the right energy, in order to build that foundation. I live off their good energy, but I am also more conscious that not all energy I am around is healthy or valuable.
I call this the lesson of the Happiness Table. I envision myself standing in front of a table. Am I going to be at the head of the table? Or am I going to be that quiet one cushioned in between?
Would I be comfortable to be seated at the tail of the table, to be that person who is expected late, or the one who has to leave early?
Would I be heard at this table? Would I have to try to stand out to be noticed? What is my purpose? Am I there to lay the table, and then when all is done, be the one who cleans up after everyone else?
I have decided that I will sit at the head of my Happiness Table. I will decide who will be invited, and who I will leave out. I will try to be wise enough to identify who might be stealing off my table.
Sometimes they are hiding right under the table cloth, disguised as friends and family. My table will hopefully have people who will quickly replace what has been stolen or lost.
At my Happiness Table, I will know who is joining, who is eating, who is complaining but never contributing. Most of all, I will see who is adding colour, love and value to my table, and making it stronger.
I started building my Happiness Table started the day I was invited to sit next to a boy, and the day I told fear that it was not welcome to join.
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