Once every four years, for a single day, women are “allowed” to propose to their men. Excuse me while I snort-laugh into my coffee. By Stacey Vee
I have a fake engagement story. The yarn I’ve spun friends and family about how he popped the question isn’t entirely the truth – and I blame society.
This is actually how my boyfriend ‘put a ring on it’.
We’d only been together for a couple of months before we started discussing marriage. What can I say? We clicked. We are fascinated by the keen edges and secret nooks of each other’s minds. We both loved The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou. It was the right time in our lives.
And then I fell pregnant.
He said: “Well, we should probably go ahead and get married now.” I said: “Okay, but I’m not doing a shotgun wedding. Let’s wait until after the baby is born.” It was settled.
Still, I was under enormous pressure from my traditionalist family to produce The Ring. So one sunshine-soaked autumn morning, we were (ahem) lying in bed, talking the best kind of nonsense, and he said: “I can’t think of a more perfect moment than this.” He opened his cupboard door, and with the goofiest grin, handed me a black velvet box.
We got dressed, texted our families with the news, and then went to the Mugg & Bean around the corner for a celebratory breakfast. Halfway through bacon and eggs, my phone beeped for the first of many times with the question: “Aaaand? How did he pop the question?!”
Turns out, your family doesn’t want to hear about how you were given a diamond ring while you were lying in flagrante in a sunny patch on your duvet. They want tears, bended knees and rings hidden in dessert items. And preferably a photographer hiding under the tablecloth to capture the moment.
So we told everyone he proposed while we were in Mugg & Bean.
Can we just have an honest moment here? Most modern couples who have their heads screwed on straight discuss marriage right out the goal posts.
This is why I find the tradition of a woman being able to ask a man to marry her on Leap Year Day so ridiculous. I mean, she gets to ask him, just one day out of every 1461 days? Give me a break!
Just look at some of the engagement stories that a few of my Facebook friends shared with me.
“I baked him a cake and wrote “Marry me?” on it. Then I woke him up with the cake on his birthday. And yes, we had spoken long and hard about it (marriage) beforehand.” – Tracey Preston
“My proposal was a complete surprise as we were still in our mid 20s. Marriage was not on my radar. On a deserted island in Cambodia with us wearing dirty travelling clothes as we ate fish and chips with the sand between our toes. I asked him if he was joking and he said no. Then I said yes!” – Belinda Mountain
“I asked him! I engraved it on the inside of a ring and gave him the ring, and he didn’t even look inside! I had to tell him, “Look inside dummy!” We had been together since I was 13 though. I proposed when I was 19 and in second year university, but we agreed we were only going to get married after I had finished studying.” – Pippa Tshabalala
“We didn’t get engaged. My husband never actually asked me to marry him. We just knew it was going to happen and one day we just started planning our wedding. Crazy, but so us!” – Emy Clarke.
One couple I know was mid-argument on a rooftop parking lot when they decided to get married. Another couple was unpacking her suitcases – she had just moved from the UK to South Africa to be with him – when he asked her to marry him.
And I also know a couple who went on a treasure hunt, with clues and mix tapes and an engagement ring waiting at the end. (So basically, the proposal story my family was hoping to hear from me.)
The “rules” of engagement are as outdated as this silly Leap Year proposal nonsense. Girls are asking guys to marry them all the time now. Guys are asking guys. Isn’t it wonderful?
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