While the infamous glass ceiling continues to exclude many women from the heights of corporate management and public office, there is at least one social setting in which men tend to be the outsiders struggling to find acceptance. The School Moms’ Club.
They run fundraisers and social events, coordinate lift clubs, meet alongside sports fields, and exchange insights and gossip at the school gates when they pick up their kids after school. They’re the social glue that holds school communities together, and they’re almost exclusively female.
For the small but growing number of fathers who are their children’s primary caregivers, joining these circles may seem a pipedream. Unlike parliament and your average company boardroom, however, this turns out to be a much less alienating and intimidating environment than it may first appear. To make the grade, try these simple strategies:
Look for common ground
Don’t get hung up on the differences separating you. Concentrate on the things that connect you instead. Like the fact that your kids are in the same hockey team or that they share the same insufferable dragon of a maths teacher.
Introduce yourself to the moms you see at school most frequently. It won’t take long for them to overcome their initial suspicion of a dad who does the primary parenting and appears to be invading their turf. Chances are they’ll warm up to you quickly and will be curious to hear your opinions on school issues.
Deploy your minions
As everywhere else in life, reliable information is gold. Mine your kids for valuable titbits about their classmates and parents. Who are their friends? Which child belongs to which mom? What are their names? What are their favourite subjects? Who plays in the school band and who has the lead in the play? That kind of thing.
Commence Operation Flattery
Now use this info to break the ice. “I hear your Ella is a superstar when it comes to geometry”; “Your son has been so nice in helping mine with his Afrikaans spelling”, and so on.
There’s nothing conniving about this tactic. It shows you’re interested and makes for a nice conversation starter. Be sure to get the names right and to link each child to the appropriate parent, otherwise your charm offensive will fall rather flat.
Show real commitment
You won’t gain access to the inner circle with only idle chitchat at your disposal. For that, you need to demonstrate serious grit and dedication.
Be a regular at PTA meetings, help at school functions, and volunteer for the next bake sale or braai. These are occasions when you can earn valuable kudos and prove you are not just a dilettante dad. They are also events at which you get to bond, establishing trust and building friendships.
Add value
Once you’ve established yourself as a dependable school dad, you can start sharing resources… like offering lifts to and from afternoon extra-murals and exchanging phone numbers.
And bam! You’re a card-carrying member of the school moms’ club. Like all worthwhile pursuits, these tactics only work if you are committed to putting in the effort, but the genuine camaraderie with other parents going through the same challenges will make it worth it.
Good luck out there, dads!
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