And then there was Kayla

By Yolandie Horak

Change Moment: Starting a family

We were planning to travel.

Destination: Ireland.

We were already talking about it with friends, super excited about the prospects of a new country and new experiences. We’d been overseas the year before and touring London and Europe had been amazing, to say the least. We craved more, needing the incredible buzz that came with travel. They say it’s addictive and whoever they are, they’re right. We were already saving money and looking at pictures of Ireland on Google.

But then there was change.

I just felt it one day; the change. I felt it like you feel the beat of loud music vibrating through the ground, no matter how far away it’s being played. And I knew that big things were about to happen. A woman knows her own body, after all. I was shocked at first, so much so that I actually cried. But my husband (who hadn’t been ready for this) was strangely happy and excited.

I was pregnant.

Two home pregnancy tests and a blood test later, it was confirmed; I was four weeks along.

When the shock left, I was excited to the point where I was like a rubber ball, constantly jumping with joy. I couldn’t stop babbling about the little life inside of me and I didn’t want to. From the moment we announced the news, we had our boy names picked, but we couldn’t decide on one for a girl. And I somehow knew it was a girl.

Maybe it was my desperate need for a daughter that caused me to believe she would be it, the little cuddly girl I’d always wanted. And with the twenty week sonar, it was confirmed. We were going to have a Kayla, and not a Benjamin.

My pregnancy was in no way easy. I was one of the blessed few who had the morning sickness from week seven and severe vomiting from week eight right up until the day before Kayla was born. I weighed less at thirty nine weeks of massive, bulging, with-child-weight than I did before I fell pregnant. For me, the whole experience was an instant diet. (insert smiley face here)

I had an emergency caesarean. I won’t get into the details here, but it was OK and we were both fine.

And then there was Kayla.

Oh. My. Word, Kayla.

Silent lightning struck in the moment we met. You know the kind. It’s the kind of thing that gives you goose bumps when the singer on the stage hits that incredible note. It’s the feeling in your stomach when you meet his eyes for the first time, knowing he could be the one. It’s that indescribable joy when you get that life changing phone call and what you’ve been working for finally happens.

I loved her instantly. Her tiny nose, her closed eyes and her red cheeks. I loved all of her. Suddenly, I was whole. A void I didn’t even know had existed was filled and everything was perfect.

Of course, we had to go home at some point.

Having a baby is a strange ride. Everything wasn’t rosy and wonderful all along. We struggled with colic, sleeplessness and general exhaustion. But through it all, I still loved her, every day even more deeply than the day before.

At some point, things got more normal again. Well, as normal as it gets at my house anyway.

Now, it’s two weeks before my Kayla will have her first birthday. Don’t ask me how we got to this point, because I still don’t know. Everything is a blur and trying to look back on it gives me whiplash. Somehow, I managed to blog every weekday. Somehow, I’m almost (almost) at the end of my third novel.

And somehow, I managed not to injure her along the way.

This leads me to realise again; I’m blessed beyond belief.

Motherhood truly is awesome.