Losing a child is one of the hardest things to go through as a parent and I would not wish it on my worst enemy, but i’m jumping the gun here, let’s start at the beginning.
My husband and I got married on the 10th of August 2013. It was, as you would hope, the best day of my life. A few weeks after our honeymoon, I got the news I had been waiting for, I was pregnant with a honeymoon baby! Exactly what I wanted.
We were both so excited and nervous at the same time. Our first appointment was amazing! Seeing our little Bean, that’s what we called it, and hearing the heartbeat for the first time, was a feeling I’m not sure I can even name.
At our 16 week appointment we started to realise there might be something wrong. Our little bean was not growing properly. We were sent to a foetal specialist who performed an amniocentesis. That is where they stick a long needle into the womb to get a sample of amniotic fluid. We had to wait three weeks for the results. Needless to say not one of the best Christmases and New Years’ I’ve had. When we finally got the results we were told that our baby boy, yes we were having a boy, was fine.
No genetic problems at all!
At our 26 week appointment, our gynaecologist was still very concerned about our son’s growth. We went back to the foetal specialist and I was told I had severe IUGR (Inter Uterine Growth Restriction). In layman’s terms, my placenta was not feeding our son properly and he had to come out. I was put on bed rest and told to relax. Really, really . . . . Relax!
My C-section was booked at 28 weeks on the 10th of March 2014. Our son, Jarrod Trent Gorlee, was born at 15:50 weighing 470 grams.
He was so tiny. He seemed to be doing very well but that night he crashed. The doctor managed to revive him, but told me that they had to do a sonar on his brain to see if there was a brain bleed. If Jarrod had a brain bleed and crashed again, they would have to let him go.
So the doctors did the sonar and it was clear. Our little boy was a fighter! I hadn’t even been to see him yet and was still attached to a catheter.
At about 1 p.m. On the 11th of March, I finally got to officially meet our son. I was so overwhelmed at his size and how much he looked like his father, even at 28 weeks.
At around 3 p.m. The doctor came to tell us that Jarrod had crashed again, but they managed to get him back, and they needed to do another sonar. I “rushed” to the NICU to be with him. When I got to Jarrod I knew what the scan would say before they even did it. I could see the brain bleed on the side of his head.
When the doctor came out of Jarrod’s room, he informed us that there was a brain bleed and that our son had slipped into a coma. The doctor said that we had to decide to let him pass away on his own or switch the machines off. We had to decide on how our son should die.
It was the hardest decision I ever had to make. We decided to take him off the machines and I held my son until he had taken his last breath. He passed away at 15:50 on the 11th of March 2014. He had 24 hours of life to his name.
It has been almost 8 months since my precious little boy has been gone and I miss and think of him every day. I now have a tattoo of his hand and footprints so he is with me forever.
I believe my son had a job to do here and I’m just grateful for what he did for my husband and I. My husband had a rough childhood and never believed he would be a good dad. He has done a complete 180 after our son. He now talks to and picks up babies, which he never did before. My husbands ‘Daddy switch’ was turned off and I believe Jarrod was here to turn it on and once his job was complete he had to go.
My son has changed our lives forever and I will be eternally grateful for what I have learned and the Guardian Angel that I will always have watching over me.
Love you to heaven and back my Boy!
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