If you can’t make it to the game, at least make sure you can make it to your cave. Here’s what you need to get your game on. By Ebrahim Moolla
Every man needs a sanctuary in which to express his masculinity and indulge his passion for rugby.
Your man cave needs to be a self-sufficient decompression chamber for sports-loving shenanigans. Popping out to the kitchen every now and then will defeat its purpose in double-quick time.
You may not have the time or means to build a fully-fledged bar area, but a fridge stocked with your favourite brews is a non-negotiable. A microwave, sandwich press and a grill for the boerewors will take of the nutritional demands of supporting your team, which has been proven to burn as many calories as a particularly taxing game of Scrabble.
You’ll also need snacks on hand so you won’t have to move during crunch time – you can’t go wrong with the holy triumvirate of biltong, peri-peri cashews and jelly teddies.
Of course, you’ll need a few diversions to while away the hours between games. No man cave worth its pint forgoes a pool or foosball table and since you’ll need to make full use of those wonderful screens on the wall, you’ll want a PlayStation 4 and copies of Rugby Challenge 3 and Fifa 16.
Be warned, though – things can get quite heated, so get a mate to don a ref’s jersey and play peacemaker. If you have a retro inclination, the classic darts board never goes out of style, but for maximum vintage style points, invest in an arcade game cabinet.
The TV should be the centerpiece of the room, seeing that there is where all the emotions run over. Go for a 55” or bigger screen, so that your mates can enjoy the action without craning their necks and hook it up to an home entertainment system for that stadium feel and to play We Are the Champions on repeat when the game is done.
For bonus points, set up another TV alongside, so you can catch the golf, soccer or cricket too. Or to satisfy your secret lust for the The Real Housewives of Ouagadougou. Don’t worry – we won’t tell anyone.
Pay careful attention to the seating arrangements. It should be large enough to accommodate a few of your friends. And by a few, we mean all three of them. Ultimately, whether you go for recliners, rocking chairs, beanbags or a red leather settee with gold tassels, the key word here is comfort. A bulldog should not be able to walk past your seating arrangement without collapsing into a crumpled, snoring heap.
Bare walls are a serious faux pas when it comes to decorating your man cave. An autographed Schalk Burger boot, that Spurs serviette Jacques Kallis signed your birthday, even your high school rugby jersey, any sort of sports memorabilia will fit the bill nicely.
Or opt for something sophisticated and tasteful, like a blown-up image of Juan de Jongh doing the Gangnam Style. Your appliances can also add to the look and feel of the place. Tenuous link it may be, but we’ve got designs on a fridge that looks like a storm trooper out of Star Wars, because we like to think of the Stormers as some kind of alien marauders – only with better dance moves.
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