Anyone who has ever experienced sibling rivalry, and that means anyone with a sibling, will know that brothers and sisters can drive you crazy. But one day you’ll realise just how much they mean to you, says Janine Dunlop
Dear Kids 1, 2, and 3,
I get it. Siblings are a pain. They barge into your room without asking, they play with your toys, they dibs the biggest slice of cake, and they always yell “shotgun!” before you. They infuriate you by hogging the bathroom, or reading aloud, or practising the violin when you’re trying to watch your favourite TV programme. Sometimes you wish you were an only child, just so you could have one or two days on your own, without their annoying presence.
Here’s the truth, though: they’re the only siblings you’ll ever have and one day, you’ll realise what a privilege it is to have them around.
Your aunt died recently, way too young. Perhaps from your perspective she was old, but at 47, she wasn’t even close. She still had a whole lot of life to live. She still had dreams and aspirations.
Your step-dad knows: one of my common refrains used to be: “Ugh, my sister irritated me today!” He would look at me slightly amused and ask, “What did she do now?” There was plenty that she did to frustrate me. She made terrible financial decisions, she was opinionated a lot of the time, and she got bad-tempered when she didn’t get her own way.
She could be really annoying, but I’d give anything to have her back.
She was my big sister. There was never a time in my life when she wasn’t there. We argued a lot when we were little. She was three years older than me and when she became a teenager, I remember her looking disdainfully at me at times. I’m sure I was as annoying to her as she was to me.
Yet all I wanted was to be like her. She could speak up for herself in any situation. She didn’t need a degree to get the best job on the market. She just knew some things that I still don’t understand.
When I became a teenager, she took it upon herself to teach me things. She taught me how to ride the train to school, she showed me how to apply makeup, and she offered advice on how to conduct myself around boys (“Play hard to get. Never let them see you’re into them”). When I was dumped hours before my matric dance, she encouraged me to phone up a friend to ask him to take me, helped me dress, did my makeup, and just before we left, got me to down a glass of champagne to calm my nerves.
She always knew what to say when I was down. She always, always had my back.
It was around adolescence that we became inseparable. For years before she died, not a day would go by that I didn’t speak to her.
It’s like a kick in the gut each time I’m reminded she’s no longer there.
So, Kids 1-3, listen closely: your siblings annoy you now. That’s their job. But I can guarantee you: years from now, you’ll wonder what the fuss was. You’ll be phoning up your big brother to get some advice on a car, or your little sister, to find out how to approach that girl you fancy. Your siblings have your back. They’re the only people in the world who will ever know you inside out. That’s a privilege that you should treasure.
My hope is that one day, when you’re a bit older, you’ll look at this big, crazy family of yours and know how fortunate you are.
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