Why learning to say no can be so liberating

A few weeks ago, an exciting work opportunity landed in my life. It excited me so much, that I forgot to check if I could follow through on it entirely.

Granted, you never really know how a project will play out, so there’s always wiggle room to plan for when you sign that contract, and many of us are gung-ho about that unknown space…until we have to disappoint someone.

I try not to be gung-ho, because I’ve burnt my fingers a few times. I’m talking from a place of privilege here, because I could choose whether or not to take this work on. It wasn’t a survival question for me, which was a relief in some respects and a guilt-laden admission in others.

I have had to make survival choices before, and do work that didn’t excite me or put a smile on my face. I did it because I had to put dinner on the table. We all have to do that, sometimes.

Despite the fact that this new project excited me, because it would mean lot of new learning, it quickly became apparent that I had to make some choices. The project needed me to travel, and it needed me at odd hours.

Right now, my family needs me to stick to a set routine, filling in more domestic spaces than usual. I knew I couldn’t travel, so I knew I couldn’t take this on.

The most difficult part of turning something down is the fear that you’ll disappoint someone. I didn’t sleep the night before I had the “turn down” conversation.

Eventually, I opted for the only policy I know well – honesty. By stating the variables that would get in the way of me being able to give this project my unfettered attention, I got a simple “thank you” in response.

No disappointment, no arguments, and no misgivings. We agreed to work on something else in the future, and I put the telephone down with a smile. Even better, I passed the project on to someone who I knew would rock at it. There’s a wonderful feeling attached to making a confident referral.

Perhaps the best part of this experience was that I learnt how to say that it wasn’t for me, and be okay with it. As someone who has made a series of significantly cruddy decisions, I’m realising that, perhaps, I’m getting better at them.