Quitting my job to follow my heart sounds a bit “shoo-wee”, even to me. The last time I had no job, I was single, childless, 29 and backpacking around South America on $15 a day.
Now, I am 48, have two kids at private schools, a bond and a husband who works for himself. So why now?
There was no single earth-shattering event. It was more like wind erosion than a landslide.
In February 2011, I joined a nine-week meditation course: “Open the Heart and Still the Mind”. Nine weeks turned into four years and I’m still going.
The principles resonated for me and I have been working on silencing my inner critic, living in the moment, and practicing the beautiful principle of “Help Ever, Harm Never”.
I have tried to be more honest with myself. What started out as niggles of discomfort relating to work and other aspects of my life became intolerable, and I passed some inner point-of-no-return.
Work was the major niggle. Not so much a niggle, in fact, as a wailing siren. So I resigned. It’s been about eight weeks since I quit my job as a media strategist and I must confess I am in no screaming hurry to rush into another job. Mostly because I am still uncertain as to exactly what I want to do.
I’m really enjoying the freedom from responsibility and commitment to a business that wasn’t working for me.
I thought I would miss being a “productive member of society”, but so far I haven’t missed it at all. Well, I do miss receiving a salary, but a few good investments have given me a reprieve. For now…
What I seem to be doing is starting over. It had to start by allowing myself the freedom to be, as opposed to “do”, so I can discover who and where I am in the world.
Me in the purest sense, not who I am in relation to the business, the clients, the brands, the bosses, the publishers, the creatives. I need the freedom to discover what I want to do to feed my soul, and hopefully earn a bit of money at the same time.
To help me along my way, I will be seeing a specialist psychologist for an adult career guidance assessment, with aptitude and personality tests and individualised coaching. The only other time I have done aptitude tests was at school, and that was a lifetime ago!
Part of me feels like I have “dropped out”, which is both exciting and soothing. It’s a private, non-judgemental space and I choose who I let into it. It’s like being on a long retreat.
The meditation retreats I’ve been doing since 2011 have shown me how beneficial “me-time” can be. And yet, I sometimes find myself justifying why I’m taking leave and paying to go and be quiet for a few days. How hard we seem to struggle to put ourselves first, or at least further forward, in our list of priorities.
I have my own theory on this. I call it “Oxygen Living”, based on the safety instructions given on airlines. “First put on your own oxygen mask before assisting children and other passengers”. I try to live by that.
If I don’t listen to my heart and take care of me, I won’t be able to nurture and have meaningful interactions with those closest to me. I need to be emotionally fit and resilient to survive and thrive.
Right now, this means I’m taking time to work out my next move. I’m heading into uncharted territory and it is thrilling. I do have moments of “WTF have I done?” at 3am, but I’m trusting that to invite new experiences into my life, I have to make space by letting go of the old.
Leave a Reply