Witty, insightful, brutally candid, Stacey Vee is one of South Africa’s most popular bloggers, with a sharp focus on the challenges and joys of raising a special-needs child
Parenting and marriage, like living in Africa, are not for the faint of heart.
They are vocations – call them callings or commitments – that offer challenge as much as joy, that tug your emotions in opposite arcs, that leave you wondering if you’re doing things right and doing the right thing.
But it’s good to know that you’re not alone as you navigate these waters, and that is why Stacey Vee has become one of Suth Africa’s most popular commentators on the ups and downs of domestic life.
A journalist and editor by background, she is an award-winning blogger whose witty, candid, and moving articles are benchmarks on the confessional medium.
Stacey is the mother of three boys, and the eldest, six-year-old Travis, has a rare brain malformation called Septo-optic dysplasia. His courageous struggle to walk and talk have earned him an affectionate nickname: Lionheart.
On her blog, Living Lionheart, Stacey chronicles his journey in a style she calls “hopscotch-jumble-gumbo”, even if it really deserves to be called, simply, inspirational. We caught up with Stacey to chat about her Lionhearted outlook on life.
Q: If you could change one thing about yourself for the better, what would that be, and why?
I wish I could be less insecure – about everything! My writing, my parenting, my hairstyle, the shape of my nose, the vast amount of finger snacks I can hoover up at a party.
Q: What do you love most about change?
The challenge. Hidden inside a life-changing event, big or small, is always a golden nugget, an opportunity to improve something. A chance to hit ‘refresh’.
Q: Where do you go when you feel like a change of scenery?
Let me tell you where I go…in my head. Across from Marks Park in Johannesburg is a gorgeous old cemetery, with stone cherubs and climbing ivy.
I’ve never actually been in there, but sometimes I imagine visiting and walking among all these final resting places of loved ones, with the sweet inscriptions on the headstones. You might think it’s creepy, but to me it’s a place that’s soaked in love and nostalgia.
Also: Shelley’s Cove in Kenton-on-Sea at low tide.
Q: What’s your own personal formula for coping with change in your life?
Easy: I always walk things through in my head, playing out all the scenarios before embarking on something new. Once you’ve anticipated every possible outcome, it’s easier to forge ahead, even if you’re terrified.
Q: What is the biggest lesson you’ve learned about life from Travis the Lionheart?
I’m embarrassed to admit, before having a mentally disabled child I thought that being smart was everything. I valued intelligent people over those I thought weren’t well, very clever.
What a horrible, judgmental person I was. Travis rearranged my set of values pronto, and I’m grateful he did.
Q: What wouldn’t you change for anything in the world?
My ability to write, and my love of books. I owe both to my grandmother, who instilled a fierce love of good literature in me while I was still in bobby socks.
Q: What’s the best and the worst parenting advice you ever received?
The worst: to put Travis in a home before my husband leaves me.
The best: it’s your job to teach your children to learn how to handle their emotions. If you can give them this gift, they’ll be more content, emotionally stable adults.
Q: How much change do you have in your pocket right now?
About R130 in notes and coins. But if you asked me last week, my pockets had nothing but lint and stolen restaurant mints in them.
Q: What was the single biggest and scariest change you have ever made in your life?
In the last seven months I have gone from working for myself, to taking on a partner, leasing out offices and employing people full-time. I have a giant calculator that I punch numbers into every single morning.
But this kind of responsibility was nothing compared to the moment my first child was born. Nothing!
Q: What song would you say most sums up your attitude to life?
Muse has a song called “Hurricanes and Butterflies”. It’s not just the title that sums up my life, by the lyrics: “Change everything you are, and everything you were, your number has been called.”
Q: What does it take for you to change your mind?
I’m always open to bribery. Particularly of the dark chocolate variety.
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