The sanctuary of Family Fridays in an age of lockdown

The face-to-face mealtime tradition, warm as a hug, may be over for now, but thanks to the wonders of technology, the sense of a communal connection lingers on

For most of 2019, every Friday night I followed the same routine. I’d drive across town to drop my younger daughter at Scouts and then proceed directly to the home of some beloved friends who live nearby.

Supper would be waiting, and we’d sit around their kitchen table and enjoy a delicious meal and easy conversation. We’d move to the lounge, I’d curl my legs up on the couch, and their dogs would settle at our feet. Then it was time for tea, more chatting and laughter, until it was time to fetch my daughter again.

With the exception of a monthly book club meeting and the odd coffee or breakfast with assorted friends, and the occasional dinner party in my home, this was my social life. (Yes, I know. I do need to get out more.)

It was such a part of my life, and we got so close, that we named our weekly suppers Family Friday. Since my daughter no longer goes to Scouts, we’ve kept the tradition going, except that now we alternate whose home we meet at.

While we’re in lockdown in an attempt to drive down the impact of COVID-19 across South Africa, I know I can manage just fine without browsing a book shop or going for a walk, or meeting a friend for coffee. The thing is, it is still possible to talk to other people.

We are so lucky to live in an age where we have a million apps at our fingertips that can connect us to other people. We can see them and hear their voices, and have a chat and a check-in, which I urge you to do if you’re living alone, or know someone who is. We truly can reach out.

But at the same time, I know it’s not the same as actually being in the same room as people you love, and who provide a safe haven for you. And that’s why I’m sad about missing out on Family Fridays. Because those evenings were like a warm hug at the end of a busy week. They were such a positive way to decompress.

There’s something so soothing about having someone else prepare you a meal, or make you a cup of something warm to drink. It’s lovely to feel that you can sink into someone else’s couch, put your feet up, and be completely yourself – even if the one time you played their piano, it permanently traumatised their small dog, who now runs and hides in the garden when you arrive. Oops.

I know that book club will resume, and we’ll do that birthday dinner, and there will be life after COVID-19 – even if it takes a while, and especially if we all stay home and observe the restrictions that have been placed on us. But I also know I need the sanctuary of Family Fridays even more in this time.

And so we’ve made a plan. This Friday, in that home and mine, we’ll be propping up a laptop or a cell phone on a kitchen counter and sitting down to eat together. We’ll have to cook our own dinners and sit on our own couches, but that’s okay – the point is that we’ll connect. We’ll eat together. And then we’ll have a good long chat and a catch-up.

It’s not perfect. I’d much rather see my friends in person, of course. But at least we can still have a measure of decompression in these anxiety-ridden times, and no small dogs need to be traumatised in the process.

For that, and for the technology that enables it, I am deeply grateful. And when this is all over, I’m going to have to go out there and craft more of a social life for myself. Because if there’s anything this pandemic has reminded me, it’s that human beings are essentially social creatures, and we need each other more than ever.