Please excuse the noise in my head, I’m a mom & I’m talking to myself!

A parent’s to-do list is always full, and the more you tick the boxes, the more you will find new tasks rushing in to take their place. How do you cope with the constant juggle? Easy. You have a good conversation with yourself.

All I really need to live a happy life is love, family…and a few million in the bank.

Did you read about the tweet that went viral earlier this year, revealing that some people have no internal monologue? Some of us have an actual voice inside our heads, narrating our lives, and some don’t.

Some think in words, or whole sentences, while others think in word or sentence fragments and abstract thoughts or pictures. The tweet went viral because it was a shock to many that we don’t all think in the same way.

“Next month, it’s Kid 3’s birthday, so Kid 2 will have to wait a bit longer to get those jeans.”

I belong to the group of people who think in sentences, sometimes in different accents, just to keep things fresh. It can get quite noisy up there in my head. I’m forever having conversations with myself, debating, making decisions, and reminding myself of what is ahead in the days, weeks, months, or years to come.

Much of my internal monologue as a parent is taken up by what I can afford to spend my money on.

“If I buy school shoes this month, then the sports top will have to wait.”

Parenting isn’t cheap. In the beginning, it’s nappies and baby paraphernalia. Later, there are school uniforms, which, despite last year’s exciting news that the Competition Commission would be clamping down on sole suppliers, remain outrageously expensive.

And later still, you’re landed with extra maths lessons, matric dance expenses, and tertiary education fees. Parents-to-be, sorry to rain on your parade, but parenting often feels like one gigantic, never-ending money pit.

A while ago, I was introduced to the term, “the mental load of motherhood”. A similar term, “emotional labour” was coined in 1983 by Arlie Hochschild, and, despite her misgivings, it has been adapted to include “mental load” or “mental labour”. It refers to the myriad tasks and to-do lists that moms hold in their heads to keep a household running.

Reading about it for the first time, I felt understood. At any one time, if you were to listen to the inside of my brain, you’d hear me talking to myself: what to make for supper, what to buy to make for supper, what Kid 3 needs for his project, what Kid 2 needs to do over the weekend…and how I’ll afford it all.

None of this makes me regret parenting. My December holiday was spent with four children, doing a lot at very little cost. The money wasn’t there, but there was love and laughter in abundance. But the mental load is “labour”, because it’s hard work.

It’s in the back of my mind as I go about my day job, as I drive Kid 1 to an appointment, and as I’m brushing my teeth in the morning. Keeping all that in my head and ensuring everything happens at its allotted time means that most of the time, I’m multitasking. And it can take its toll.

Thinking about money much of the time is hard work, because it sometimes makes me anxious. Sometimes, despite the lists and reminders I’m reciting to myself, despite the conscious budgeting and sacrificial saving, the money just isn’t there and won’t be there for a while, or perhaps ever.

“If I start saving now, I’ll hopefully have enough by the end of the year to make the down payment for Kid 3’s orthodontic bill.”

All I really need to keep me happy is love and family. And those few million I mentioned? They can wait. I’ll just take enough to quiet my internal monologue.