When it comes to tying the knot, never say never, no matter how much you think you mean it. Because you might just wind up eating your words. By Cath Jenkin
So. Twitter. Something happened. pic.twitter.com/N07vHiOBRR
— cathjenkin (@cathjenkin) December 9, 2015
I am currently devouring my very many words on marriage. A militant anti-marriage talker, I spent most of my adulthood being against the idea of getting hitched. I’m having to devour the very words I uttered during a longwinded speech at my brother’s beautiful wedding where I pointedly said, to my boyfriend: “Sorry darling, but I’m not marrying you.”
Hilariously, as I type this, I’m looking at my engagement ring.
A seismic shift has happened within the circle of my life. On a balmy December evening at a friend’s restaurant, as we celebrated our sixth anniversary of sticking around with each other, he got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife.
It was – and will always be – the easiest question I’ve ever had to answer, because there is no better person for me to spend my days into dotage with. But I’d never really figured we’d actually suit up and march down the aisle. The idea of it is still surreal to me.
Why was I so anti-marriage? Firstly, and I blame my own steely independence, forged during a long period of living alone, I mentally signed myself off as being the girl who doesn’t get married, and I stuck to the idea, well into our years of living together.
We have a family life that’s peppered with memories and a tapestry of inside jokes, underpinned by a joint lease, reams of household spreadsheets, one awesome child and two crazy dogs. Were we to stay the great, unmarried couple forever, I’d be just as happy as I am today.
Secondly, I have seen too many divorces and horrible breakups. Splitsville is not a pleasant place to live, and the idea of heading to that city with him is still something I battle to contemplate, especially considering his legendary tea-making abilities. Facing life without his magnificent cups of tea was not something I wanted to live through, so it was better in my head to never have to think about, and therefore never marry him.
What has changed, aside from the weight of my left hand and my infinite to do list that now includes a section for wedding planning?
Nothing, really. The texture and rhythm of our life together remains unchanged, but I’m certain it’ll feel different once we’re married. What has had to change though, is my perspective on marriage. There are no guarantees that this will work out but I’m old enough to know that there are no true guarantees in life, even at your favourite retail store. Lastly, if I’m about to take a risk on life with someone, there is no better person for me to take that risk with than the guy who makes the great tea.
Beneath all of this, lies the deep truth that, once upon a time, a friend asked me out for dinner and then, a few months later, quite liked the idea of joining in the life story of the single mom and her LEGO-and-fairies-obsessed child.
He got down on one knee on a balmy December evening, and asked me to be his girlfriend with a Post-it note and serving of baked goods. Since then, our relationship has been tested more times than I count, and he’s been immovably by my side throughout some of life’s biggest tumbles.
As I contemplate this transformation, and change my title of Eternal Girlfriend to Fiancé, I’m also changing teams. I’m no longer team cheerleader of the Anti-Marriage squad, but firmly Team Married. Let’s do this! But please, lovely man, don’t ever stop making that tea.
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