It was by far the most picturesque setting on the KwaZulu Natal South Coast. Pennington to be exact. With its historical charm, sprawling gardens and honeymoon suite that was straight out of an English period drama series, I was sold. The suite was in a turret, accessible by a narrow spiral concrete staircase as its only entrance. As far as I was concerned this was my venue. But like an addiction, I had to give it up. Because as far as my guest list was concerned, this wasn’t.
There was no way this place could accommodate my large number of guests. But my husband and I had hundreds of relatives and friends. Seriously. Hundreds. My first draft of the guest list was 600. Coming from close-knit Indian families, we are often obliged to invite everyone we knew. My family had been waiting for this day forever, especially my grandmother, and I didn’t want to disappoint. Or leave anyone out. This venue could accommodate only 120 people inside. If you wanted to make use of the gardens, it meant spending money on the venue’s exclusive hire in addition to a bedouin tent with all the trimmings to accommodate everyone outside. This would take the costs to an amount far greater than we were willing to spend. Two options. Cut the guest list or find another venue.
We opted for another venue. One that could accommodate our 300-odd guests. I was devastated. But in order to get a semblance of a dream wedding, I had to use a different venue for the ceremony and reception. The ceremony was at a beautiful little chapel on a golf estate also on the South Coast. It was perfect and only our closest friends and family were there. The reception venue, was however, a town hall. It was the only place big enough for our guests and far from the glamour and elegance of most wedding venues.
I am a people pleaser by nature. I always want everyone to be happy. Even if it means I’m not. So I gave up on the wedding I really, really wanted, so I could have everyone I loved around me instead. Quite noble right? Well, in retrospect, I wish I was more selfish. If there is any day in the whole world I feel you could be selfish, this was it.
Which is why I would implore all would-be brides to do the same. You have this one day that is all about you. Just you and your groom. And while family, tradition, culture and everything in-between is just as important. You need to have the day you’ve have always wanted. It was my compromise that meant I was unable to have what many refer to as a “dream wedding”.
I had read so many bridal magazines that had said the same thing, but I never listened. I would never take back the day I said “I do” to the man I loved, but I wished I could have done it all so differently. And he did warn me. My husband. He said cut the list and be done with it. I insisted that would be wrong. Two months before our wedding, the then South African police commissioner Bheki Cele got married. At my venue. And I was asked to cobble a story about the nuptials for the magazine I worked for. Nothing was more painful. He pretty much had the wedding I always wanted. One I could so easily have had, had I cut the list. So if there is any one element of planning that I would say is most important, it would be the list. Scrutinise it like your life depended on it. In most cases it’s the number of guests that determines everything else about your big day – the catering, the venue, even the size of your cake. And for those on a tight budget, it’s the only way around getting what you want for less.
Still, looking back, it was that moment outside the chapel, sharing hugs with our closest friends and family that my husband and I remember most fondly. Not the reception venue with endless tables with hundreds of guests.
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