When the priest starts the wedding ceremony with the James Hollis quote “Marriage has nothing to do with being happy”, you know that what you’re about to witness isn’t going to have any of the naive whimsy of Corinthians 13 or Kahlil Gibran. It’s going to be raw, honest and real, and not just a tiny bit challenging.
I was privileged to witness such a ceremony a few weeks ago.
I have become deeply mistrusting of weddings. It’s been less than a year since my divorce and I have lost the ability, as theatre folk say, to “temporarily suspend my disbelief” and fall into the romance of “love will conquer all”.
I find myself repeating a mantra during the exchanging of vows that goes along the lines of “long may it last”, until it’s a meaningless loop of longmayitlastlongmayitlastlongmayit…
Because, you know, obviously it won’t!
This ceremony was different. The priest spoke of the realities of love and marriage to two people who knew exactly what he was talking about. It is a second marriage for both, and there were no illusions or delusions of what this formalising of deep love and togetherness meant and why they were choosing it.
I felt like I was listening to a relationship counselor, not a priest. He spoke of marriage as in invitation to transform, and the need to move away from blame and anger to self-examination and individual responsibility. He spoke of the power of kindness and how true love can only come from a healthy relationship with yourself. Have you ever?
The relationship he was sketching was terrifying to me.
It called on me to reflect on my own marriage and my active and passive role in its erosion and eventual collapse.
I was challenged to consider that marriage is not just an outdated, patriarchal ritual imposed on humanity to ensure the lineage of power, property and children. In the right hearts, it could be a gateway to seeing, loving and being completely yourself, while seeing, loving and honouring the other.
My mind was blown.
The rest of the wedding was wonderful. The vows were incredible. The speeches were loving and funny. The crazy MC was a delight. The dance floor was full and the atmosphere was rich with happiness, just like the chocolate wedding cake.
I left wholehearted and happy. It was a most perfect wedding.
Picture: LiliGraphie / Shutterstock.com
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