Congratulations! You’re going to be a dad. It’s irreversible. It’s for life. And your child will be 100% reliant on you because you will be the most important and most influential man in your children’s lives.
But don’t panic. It’s going to be fine. It’s an enormous responsibility. But it’s an astoundingly beautiful one too. No-one can truly explain to you the great love and emotion you will feel for your child. It’s something you have to experience for yourself. And you will.
Each man’s response to the birth of their first child is unique, but here are a few insights about what to expect.
Newborns are actually not that cute
No matter what anyone tells you, babies are not pretty when they pop out, so don’t feel guilty if you don’t feel an immediate bond. When my son Luke was cajoled out of the warm embrace of his mother’s womb I remember being quite horrified at how he looked.
He was nothing like the cute, soft, smiling baby boys of nappy-ad fame. He was squashed, blotchy, mottled, covered in goo and had a look of utter dismay and disgust on his face.
As awe-inspiring as the whole birth process was, I didn’t feel an immediate sense of connection with this strange creature that had just emerged from the depths.
Moms have the advantage of 9 months of bonding with their baby in the womb, feeling it moving and growing within them. By the time their little wonder emerges they have already formed a deep bond and holding their baby in their arms is a natural extension of this process.
For men, the first tangible experience of their offspring is the messy little creature covered in blood and bile thrust into their arms and it’s often more alarming than exciting. Don’t worry, because within days or hours you will begin to fall more deeply in love with your child than you ever thought possible.
Love happens anyway
With the birth of your child will come a greater capacity to love than you ever had before. You can’t possibly understand it before becoming a father. It’s born in you with the birth of your child.
I remember driving in my car with Luke when he was just a few months old, strapped into his baby seat next to me, with some soppy rock ballad playing feeling such emotion that tears streamed down my face.
And you will soon realise why you need to feel this way, because in the first year you will be subjected to things that you would quite simply not be able to deal with if you didn’t.
You will come into direct contact with all manner of foul liquids, gasses, solids and semi solids emitted from every exit channel your little bundle of joy possesses. But because of the crazy overwhelming sense of love you feel you will handle it with aplomb!
Adjust, but not too much
Your child comes into your life, you don’t come into theirs. Many parents make the mistake of bubble-wrapping their newborn child and adjusting their lives too much to create a quiet, sterile environment for them. This is a big mistake.
The quicker your newborn gets used to noise, activity and movement the more adaptable and relaxed he or she will be. By protecting your baby from noise and action you will simply make him or her more sensitive to it, and less tolerant of it.
Play music, have friends around, go out, get your child into your routine and he or she will likely become a relaxed and adaptable child.
Get in there
Take every opportunity to bond with your child. Hold, touch, nurture, play, bath and spend as much time as you can with him or her. The deeper you bond when they are young the deeper your bond will be when they are older. And the deeper the bond you have the easier it will be to influence and discipline them in the years when they really need it.
Too many fathers try to bond with their children later in their childhood and struggle because they have lost those vital early years of bonding.
Being a father starts with being a man. It is who you are as a man, not what you own and how successful you are that really matters to your child. Your character and how you live your life is what counts.
You need to be the man you want your son to become and your daughter to marry. You will be your child’s hero.
This may seem like a big ask but every man has it in him to get it right. You can do it. And nothing in life is more rewarding, for you and for your child.
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