After more than 20 years of making wedding dresses, my mom-in-law Melanie is making her last one. It is blinding white and vintage-inspired, a pearl-encrusted sheath of lace and loveliness that would have put Gatsby’s Daisy Buchanan to shame. She is also making the bridal headdress and a matching pearl bracelet.
It’s quite different from the strong and structured lines of the first wedding dress she made in the late 80s, complete with cinched waist and shoulder-padded jacket. And different again to Melanie’s own wedding dress – a sleek Gupier lace tunic over a long satin dress, which had been made for her by her mom-in-law. With it, she wore a 5-metre-long sheer veil attached to a custom-made bridal headdress modelled on that of the famous ancient Egyptian queen, Nefertiti.
The thing about a wedding dress, self-taught seamstress and designer Melanie tells me, is that it’s so much more than a dress. It is imbued with magical powers that transmogrify the most ordinary girl into a vision of beauty; the fairytale princess, the embodiment of a lifetime’s most cherished dreams.
The maker of the dress is therefore not so much seamstress as alchemist, who painstakingly weaves together silk, lace and beads into an ineffable something that imparts the unique confidence, the golden glow, the sparkle that sets a woman in her bridal raiment apart from the somehow-lesser version of herself that inhabits her everyday garb. It is, I gather, a labour of love and a profound creative privilege – especially in the case of this last wedding dress, as the wearer is a close relative; Melanie’s niece.
But this dabbling in the occult has its dark side. A bride’s hopes for her wedding day may verge on obsession, and her wedding dress is often the central focus of these nuptial fixations. Until the moment of their birthing on the marriage day, the dressmaker must help carry the burden of the bride’s unborn dreams. Beside time, effort and a commitment to absolute perfection, wedding dressmaking demands delicacy, patience and intense respect for the bride’s vision.
Perhaps that is why the wedding dress tends to take on a life of its own. Melanie tells me that when she’s making a wedding dress, it commands her complete attention and haunts her sleep. If the dress hasn’t, during the course of the day’s sewing, progressed satisfactorily, her mind will keep snipping, stitching and embroidering through the night. It is all-consuming, an occupation in the most literal sense of the word. It spills over into every aspect of her life, including her own marriage – much to the chagrin of my father-in-law who has been on the receiving end of her needling frustrations and cutting remarks.
And, once the wedding dress is completed and the bride’s dreams realised, the dressmaker – like a mother whose child has left home – is bereft. The adrenaline seeps from her veins, replaced by a vast emptiness that takes weeks to subside. So there is a high price to be paid for her artistic joy, but Melanie assures me it is worth it.
But why then is this her last wedding dress? Because at 66 years of age, my mom-in-law feels the time has come for her to give her eyes, her hands and her heart a reprieve from the demands of her connubial calling. She will continue sewing and beading always – for her, creating is like breathing, a basic function of everyday life. But she is laying aside her wizard’s wand and her alchemist’s instruments. She has made enough magic, and her legacy will live on in the memories of the dozen or so brides whose dreams she has helped realise.
Melanie’s tips for brides who plan to work with a dressmaker
· Do your homework: The process is an expensive and long one, so it’s important that you work with someone experienced and with whom you have a good rapport. If you’re lucky enough to have a granny that’s a needle-work whizz, then that’s a great option. But otherwise, opt for a professional dressmaker with a good reputation. Ask for references and a portfolio of previous work before you commit;
· Trust your dressmaker: If you’ve chosen your dressmaker with care, then trust her (or him) to do what’s right. She has years of experience; she knows what fabrics and patterns will work best for the kind of dress you have in mind and she’ll also be able to guide you on what styles work best for your body shape;
· Exit the entourage: Melanie has a strict policy against grannies, aunties, moms, BFFs and other potential busybodies at her bridal fittings and consultations. Even the most well-meaning onlooker can undermine a bride-to-be’s confidence or influence her choices, leaving her with a dress that she doesn’t really like. It’s natural to want to involve your family, but the decision about what to wear on your wedding day should be yours, and yours alone.
(Amanda Spohr is a Reputation Management Executive at BrightRock)
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