When you’re trying your utmost to get your small startup business up and running, thoughts about marriage and motherhood must take second place, at least until the right someone comes along
The thought of having children has always been a distant one for me. This is mainly due to my upbringing, which was heavily influenced by church. At church I was taught to first find a husband before I can even think about having children.
Even that was entirely in God’s hands. In my naiveté, I never considered the when and the how, never factoring miscarriages and infertility. I thought about it in the Cinderella kind of way. In my mind, once a husband came children would automatically appear. How they would be provided for was not my responsibility either. I guess at the back of my mind it was a husband’s job to figure out such details.
The church taught me that a husband is a provider of his family. Now that I’m approaching the 37-year-old mark and also my conversations with friends, I’m thinking a lot about children. I never thought I would be single and childless at this age, and that it would be my own decision to make if I want children or not, before I meet someone. I also never thought that not having children could be another option.
This option is still seen as taboo, especially in African culture. In the olden days, not being able to bear a child, particularly in marriage, carried a stigma. Some people, when I tell them I’m not really sure if I want children, tell me I will regret it one day.
My mom on the other hand, in spite of her strong beliefs that a child should only be a product of marriage, told me it’s okay for me to have a child while not married. Her reasoning – what if the husband never comes?
The most important factor I never considered before was the cost of raising a child. Raising a child in the modern age is different from when my parents raised me. When I was growing up my family dynamic was pretty simple. My dad worked and my mom stayed at home to raise us, like many women in that era. Now things have changed.
Today it is not only a man’s responsibility to provide for a child. It’s also mine. I want to make sure my child has a better life experience than I had growing up. I want my child to grow up in an environment that will enable him or her to thrive in life.
The reality is that I’m an entrepreneur and my laundry business is in its infant stage. That means I’m not financially ready to take care of a child alone, at present. The business is not yet in a position to pay me a salary. The laundry business concept is still new for the township market, where customers bring in their laundry and we provide everything else that’s needed to get it done.
This means that the price is slightly higher than people usually pay the ladies who do the same thing, but informally. My profit fluctuates from month to month, while I study the customer behavioural patterns, that will ultimately determine whether or not I have a viable business. I cannot factor a child into this. It’s a lot of uncertainty. The business itself is like a baby.
In spite of my mom’s affirmation, I still don’t feel a strong urge to have children. Sometimes the option of not having them at all is more appealing to me. However, as much as I’m leaning more towards the “no children” option, I’m still keeping an open mind.
Maybe if I meet someone who is ready and willing to be a present and an active father to my child, not only financially, but emotionally too, I may take the plunge. I guess motherhood remains a far-away dream, just as the church taught me. For now, I’ll focus on building my business into a profitable one.
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