All those years of alternative schooling, with no homework, no hair rules, and an open, progressive approach to choosing the career of your dreams…and it comes down to this? But the good news is, the other teenage son wants to be a jazz musician.
A few weeks ago, my 15-year-old son Ben came up to my husband and I as we lounged on the couch, reading. Something in his expression made us both sit up a little straighter.
‘So. I think I’ve decided on a career direction,’ he said. ‘I want to be an actuary.’
I was more than a little thrown by this pronouncement.
‘Good God,’ I blurted out. ‘What an incredible waste of an alternative education!’
Both son and husband looked at me with matching raised eyebrows. I realised it was time for a significant backtrack.
‘But Ben,’ I said after regaining some composure. ‘That’s going to take an incredible amount of very focused studying, for years and years. And – forgive me for being blunt – last time you got a report, you didn’t even bother to open it.
You know how you believe revising before assessments is bad, because your ability to learn in class is being tested not your ability to cram? That’s not going to fly anymore, if you want to get into actuarial science.’
Ben looked at me quizzically.
‘But Mom, as I’ve always said…my marks only really matter from Grade 9, when I choose my final subjects. So I’ve got to explore different stuff until now. Now it’s time to have a plan. Even if that plan changes, I want to start thinking ahead.’
I’ve always been a big believer in my boys’ school, and the concept of progressive education in general. While there are many types of alternative education, our school takes the focus off rules and on to the children themselves. So haircuts don’t matter, but respecting each other does. You can wear what you want, but it’s seriously not cool to make anyone feel stupid, including yourself.
There is very little homework until a child reaches Grade 9, because it’s more important for them to figure out how he or she learns best, rather than following some median that works for some and not others.
When I sum up the school ethos like that (and obviously there are many more elements and nuances to it)… it all sounds so obvious doesn’t it? Of course children should feel respected, how else can they choose their own paths with confidence?
Of course they shouldn’t all be forced to learn in the same way, that’s just not how the real world works. Yet whenever I tell anyone my sons are at an alternative school, I am often asked if I am ‘not making it very difficult for them to eventually join the real world?’
We would never send our children to a school that wasn’t academically rigorous. But how do uniforms, calling teachers ma’am and sir, rules about hair, gum, earrings and walking on various bits of grass but not on others prepare one for the real world? Maybe in the 1950s you needed to prepare to be a tied and suited corporate cog, but in 2016?
Many of the jobs our children are going to do haven’t even been invented yet. So why spend years making them passively and unquestioningly obey unnecessary rules? It’s almost exactly what they DON’T need to prepare them for the real world.
I must admit to romanticising alternative education myself. Hence the surprise when Ben made his actuary announcement. My elder son Josef, however, thinks he become be a jazz musician. I love that their schooling has made them feel prepared to tackle either, and value both.
‘What’s the difference between a bench and a jazz musician?’ asks Josef, deadpan. ‘A bench can support a family of four.’
‘Is that your way of suggesting I should support you if I get a big mathsy job?’ replied Ben.
‘Obviously. Look at Mom and Dad. You’re our best hope for the big money, sonny.’
Parenting. So much more fun that I was expecting.
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