When you fall into parenting, and you’re surprised at how much of a happy difference it makes to your life, the big question will always be at the back of your mind. Is it time to be a parent all over again?
The excitement of planning our wedding is starting to set in with me, even though it still feels a little otherworldly. But that hasn’t stopped the next big question from rolling on in.
Changing my mind on marriage took about six years of tea and a lot of courage, but it still hasn’t prepared me for the next big question that’s been cropping up now and then: “So, are you going to have a baby?”
Bear in mind that we have not yet waltzed down the aisle, so it’s been pretty amusing to see how many assumptions were made around this life change. I’ve had the classic “oooh, you must be pregnant!” to the clanger: “oh, did you give him an ultimatum?” and everything in between, including “oh, is it because you’re scared to die alone?”
The questions people pose never cease to amaze (and gall) me, but I like to think they mostly come from a place of love.
The baby question is one that’s heated though, because I have a kid. He helps me raise her too, through our funny, large family circle that extends beyond surnames and similar residential addresses. I’ve had the guilt laid on me too, for this one … you know the one. “Oh, he must want a baby. He’d be such a great dad! Maybe he’s too scared to tell you?”
I find that one particularly hilarious, because if he was “too scared” to broach the baby topic with me, then he probably shouldn’t be marrying me anyway. Still, it’s quite a self esteem boost, because I had no idea I could be that intimidating. I’ll be sure to put it to the test, next time someone asks me a stupid question. Also, to give him his credit, I know he’d be an amazing father, because he already is one.
Let’s be blunt on this point. Were we planning to have a child together, or if we weren’t, I highly doubt we’d discuss it with anyone outside our family circle. That said, there’s something you should know about me: I have never felt that “oh I want to have a baby” feeling.
Yes, that is strange, considering the pre-teen daughter I now have. She was a surprise inclusion in this life plan, and the very best surprise that I ever received.
On the converse, in the deep and delicious ocean that is parenting, there’s never been a second where I’ve not wanted to be a parent, from the moment I saw those two blue lines appear on a pregnancy test and promptly extinguished my cigarette.
I fell into parenting, just like I’ve fallen into everything else that’s extremely good in my life, including this engagement.
The answer to The Baby Question, for me, has always been “No thank you, I already have one”. But now, as the world changes around me, and that face in that bathroom mirror gets a little older every morning, I’m starting to feel something that could alter that response a little.
I’m still not certain and I know that we need time and concentrated thought on the topic. But, perhaps, maybe, a baby? Or, you know, we could just head back to our favourite dog rescue organisation and adopt yet another dog.
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